Everything happens for a reason

A walk to remember

2009-04-15T14:26:00.002-04:00

Circumstances beyond my control (my van in the shop) led to the need for me to walk home from the gym this morning after I finished teaching my class. Down to only one car right now while we await the completed repairs on our van, James dropped me off at work but then needed to get himself to work. Our Georgia rains have ceased, at least for today, so the walk from the gym to home wasn't that big of a deal for me. I couldn't have asked for better weather, and it gave me time to be calm and quiet and reflect. One reason I have neglected my blog for so long, I realized while walking, is that since I finished the marathon I have not spent any time running lately. The training runs were my opportunity to think and be alone with myself. That is usually when I collected my thoughts and then felt I had something to blog about. Since abandoning my running (or taking a very long hiatus from it) I seldom find myself alone or able to get much deep thinking in. Hence, the long break from blogland. Hopefully this realization will motivate me to take more walks which will in turn lead to more blog posts.

All of that leads into my post for today.

As I was walking home on this absolutely gorgeous day my route took me down various roads and paths, some with sidewalks, some without. It was on one stretch of grassy land with rather tall weeds on one side where I found my eyes scanning the ground in front of me looking for snakes. I am deathly afraid of the little devils.

As I was scanning the ground in high alert mode my thoughts shifted. I realized that had I been born elsewhere, in another land, the very ground that I walked on out of necessity could be a deathbed for me.

How fortunate am I that I was born an American where I do not know the fear of walking a field where landmines might be buried? How lucky I am that my life is in America and I am free to walk home from work when need be, without fear or treachery. How blessed I am to be married to a wonderful man who wears this country's uniform with pride and great honor. How humbled I am that so many millions of others currently answer the call, or have answered it, to defend our beloved America, to say to the enemy, "You won't hurt us today. Not my country. Not on my watch."

May God watch over all those who put themselves in harm's way so I can know the joy and beauty of a peaceful walk in my America. And may God wrap His loving arms around the heroes who walk with him in Heaven now.

God Bless the U.S.A.

Mission: Accomplished!

2009-01-14T12:25:00.003-05:00

Goal: Realized!

New addiction: Found!

Alright, I won't go so far as to say I'm addicted to running (that addiction belongs to my hubby). But I will say that for all my talk ahead of time that this would probably be a one-time deal for me, that I would finish this race and be done with running, that I hated running and couldn't imagine what I was thinking by entering a half-marathon....well, a lot of that has changed now.

I got bitten by a bug.

The racing bug.

Maybe it's not so much the racing that I loved. It could very well be that this was a DISNEY race and the adrenaline rush that came with it was indescribable. Whatever it was, I'm smitten and looking ahead to future races. This was absolutely not a one-time deal for me, no matter how much smack I talked ahead of time.

I won't go into a lot of details about the race because I don't recall a lot of the minute points about it. I noticed the crowds cheering, the Disney characters out for meet-n-greets, the lines for the port-a-potties, heard the music from various dj's and local bands along the way, saw my family at mile 7 for a photo op, and cursed the cloverleaf on-ramp that I had to go up (it never seemed to end!). I felt the energy from the crowd when I needed it most, only needed to use my mp3 music for about 2 miles of the race, and only got teary-eyed one time when I entered Epcot for the last mile of my route. I remember crossing the finish line and feeling so proud that I had accomplished my original goal of completing the race and also my ultimate goal of being able to run the whole thing without needing any walking breaks.

I was not fast by any means but I wasn't the slowest either. And even if I had been, there was another jogger that morning wearing a t-shirt that was quite inspirational. I'll never forget that shirt, ever.

Dead Last Finish

is better that

Did Not Finish

is better than

Never Even Started.

How awesome a saying is that? I love it! Any takers out there for next year's race? Registration for 2010's event has started. Why not sign up for it, have a year to train, and proudly wear a shirt slogan like the one above? Hubby and I are hopeful that we'll be there again next year to do this craziness again!

I leave you with a picture of our family after my race was over, my Donald Duck medal around my neck and the sign James made for me that encouraged so many more than just myself.

Happy 2009!

2009-01-01T09:30:00.003-05:00

Another new year has begun. I've never really liked New Year's Day very much. I much prefer New Year's Eve because it is still in December. New Year's Day means we are now in January and I don't like that one bit. Why? Because January is closer to June and July than December is. I don't like summer. Not a bit. I take after my mom in that regard. There's just something unnerving to me about the approaching summer season, which is why starting a new year doesn't thrill me. My favorite time of the year is when fall arrives and I know summer is behind us. The turning over of a new calendar means I'm once again facing summer rather than leaving it behind. Does that make sense to anyone out there other than my mom and I?

Anyway, what I do like about a New Year is the promise of all that is to come, all the wonder and possiblities that are open to everyone. I like to think about what the new year will bring for my family and I, what dreams we'll realize this year, what happy memories we'll make, what new experiences we'll discover, what the days will hold for us. I hope and pray that 2009 will be filled with happiness and wonder, God willing.

Tomorrow morning our family will leave bright and early to start our year off trying to realize the resolution we put into motion one year ago. It was my 2008 New Year's resolution to prepare myself for the WDW half-marathon and I guess I'm as prepared now as I can be at this point. In my mind I'm thinking there was more I should have done, or things I should have done differently, but at this late date I'm out of training time and need to go with what I've got and give it my all. Whatever comes my way I'll battle it the same as I've battled everything else all these months, including the stomach bug that just torpedoed through our home over the last couple days. That sure put a wrinkle in our training plans, no doubt!

But the race is more about finishing for me than competitiveness anyway. I never planned any grand illusions of a great time or any craziness like that. My only goals for this race are to finish and not to be the last to finish. James assures me I won't be the last as there will be people doing nothing but walking the race whereas I'm trained to run most of it, again God willing! James has a time goal in mind and he's so well trained (and competitive) that I'm sure he'd be disappointed to get less than what he's after. Me, I just don't want to get swept up! I want to finish the thing, get my Donald Duck medal, and have tangible proof that I am no longer the fat girl that Lance Miller tormented in high school. Deep down I think that is the monkey on my back during this whole thing. Completing this race is my moment to say I have buried that fat girl, I am not her, and I can release her once and for all.

So, to all those out there who, like me, carry too heavy a burden of who they are/were/hope to be, I'll be out there running for us on Saturday, January 10th, hoping that 2009 frees each of you from that demon. Life is too short to keep carrying my fat girl memories on my back. Truthfully, she weighs too much, and I'm not talking poundage.

Happy New Year!

Happy Birthday to You!

2008-12-25T21:00:00.004-05:00

Yes, indeed. Happy Birthday Baby Jesus! Merry Christmas to everyone!

We have had a wonderful, calm Christmas Day here at our home. While we missed being around our family on this special day, the simplicity of being in our home, on our own schedule, was priceless. The girls have hung out in jammies all day long and been thrilled to play endlessly with their new gifts.

We truly appreciate all the blessings we have had bestowed on us, and are so fortunate to have all that we do. Even more than the shiny new gifts that were under the tree, though, we thank God for each other and all the loved ones far and near that we hold dear, for our health, our happiness, and the most precious gift of all, His Son.

Merry Christmas and may God Bless each one of you.

Three Furballs = Lots of Hairballs!

2008-12-23T08:04:00.004-05:00

I apologize for having been out of the posting loop for quite some time. Morgan frequently asks me when I'm going to post again as she enjoys reading both my blog and James'. Yesterday I showed her a posting on a friend's blog (Melissa in AL) where her pets were introduced to readers and became a post all of their own. Morgan really enjoyed reading that posting so I offered to let her do the same kind of entry on my blog since I've been in a dry spell of my own when it comes to writing. So, without any further back-story, here is Morgan's guest-blogger posting introducing you to our funny furballs.

Our family lives around pets. We need pets. And so that’s why I’m going to blog about our furry friends today.

This is Paddy. She’s 12 years old, and she is the smallest of all our cats. As are all our other cats, she’s a Maine Coon Tabby mix. You could describe Paddy as sweet and gentle, but she is also sensitive. She cannot stand being brushed! Paddy will “talk” to us more than the others, because if we look down and say something, she will go, “Meooooowwww.” She usually keeps to herself but has been known to chase her brother on more than one occasion, which is so funny to see! She loves to sleep on top of people during the night and will usually stay in my Mom and Dad's bed, often on Mom's back or legs.

This is Seamus. He’s Paddy’s brother. He is a very dark color. Seamus could be described as unpredictable. One minute he’ll be purring in your lap, licking you, and the next whacking you in your face, like he just did to me earlier today! However, he’s our only cat that actually stays still and likes being brushed. He was chased by, Kooshie, our youngest cat in the “earlier days,” and so now he will go right up to that cat and whack him. Revenge. He has a battle scar on one ear to prove that he picks fights with Kooshie. He'll usually start the fight but then get scared and he "screams" like a little girl! Really, his shrieks are so hilarious because they sound funny coming out of a boy cat! Seamus loves to steal the warm spots on a couch or a chair, meaning if you get up from your seat for a moment when you come back Seamus will be in that spot! It's like he has a heat sensor in him!

This is Shakoosh, or Kooshie, the youngest addition to our family. The name comes from the Iraqi name for the Army base Daddy was at when he was deployed for “the Surge” of OIF5. Kooshie is 2 years old. We got him when we went to the Humane Society to take donations. He had been rescued from a kill shelter on his last day. It was probably his personality that saved him. While we were in the cat room, Mommy saw him and noticed how he looked like Paddy. Soon his sweet personality had us captured and we adopted him, that skinny thing. Now he is a whopping 16.5 pounds, making him by far our heaviest cat. He is tiger-striped and could be described as wild, playful, and full of energy. Kooshie is a true family cat. He is very dog-like, however, and enjoys rolling in dirt, chasing toys, and drinking out of toilets! Kooshie likes to be wherever we are and he will follow us around the house, just like a dog! Maybe he's just really grateful that his life was spared and he wants to show us how much he loves us for that.

Our seniors, Paddy and Seamus, were raised together as brother and sister. The thought that they ruled our house had entered their minds, but when Kooshie came, he decided they were just too old! Now, over 1 ½ years later, they have learned to tolerate each other, but we'd never go so far as to say they are all friends yet! Maybe one day they'll get there. They make pretty good friends to us, though!

Such a long hiatus

2008-11-15T16:59:00.002-05:00

I apologize for taking such a very long break from blog-land. I don't really have a very good reason for being gone other than to say I've been busy lately, but then haven't most people? I hardly think my life is that much busier than most, and if it is then I should definitely slow down. That's not the case. I'm slow enough.

Yes, I wrote those very words and meant every bit of it, sadly. I am slow. Too slow. If only I were faster my long runs wouldn't last so dreadfully long. I can't even call them "runs" because they truly aren't. They're jogs and they are pitifully slow for me, at around a 10-12 minute per mile pace. At my current rate, it takes me about 2 hours to complete 9-10 miles. And when my hubby comes home from a 9 or 10 mile run in a little over an hour, well, I should just hang my head in shame, shouldn't I?

But yet I still get out there and plug away at it once per week. I usually hit the track on Tuesday's for a long session. This past Tuesday found me needing to get 11 miles again. I had done it the week prior and wanted to repeat it this week. So, despite the fact that I had several good reasons to NOT go jog (girls were out of school, James was home, it was my birthday!) I hit the track for a goal of 11 miles. I wanted to quit at six due to some serious hip flexor pain. I stretched and muddled through for three more miles before finally calling it good enough. I felt quite disappointed in myself and the outcome, but when you're hurting you're hurting, ya know?

So, I'm trying to figure out the hip thing, hoping I can ease the tightness out enough that it won't bother me during the half-marathon, which is less than 2 months away now. I've got an easier training week coming up with about 6-8 miles planned on Tuesday. I might re-evaluate that as Tuesday approaches and aim a little higher, like 8-10, but that's just crazy talkin', not really seriousness.

In other news, Morgan had her birthday in late October and has now turned 11. What a big girl! And where did the time go? It's amazing, remarkable, sad, unbelievable, fantastic, and shocking all at once. My baby girl, how proud I am of her, how sad to think of the years gone by, how in awe of what those years have brought. I can only Thank God for the most precious gift ever and ask for nothing but another day.

My parents came down for a visit in early October. It had been nearly four years since my Mom had been down here and I was thrilled to have her back. Her work schedule has just kept her too busy at home to allow for a trip to see us, so our visits have always been with her in Missouri for the last few years. It was great to have her back down here (thanks for all the sewing you do, Mom!). I hope we don't have to wait four more years for another visit.

While they were down here, Dad built a bunk bed for Bethy. He and James worked like madmen on that thing, building it entirely from scratch. Dad has a wonder assortment of tools and he brought a fair share of them down here to work with. Between the two guys and about 24 hours of building crammed into two days they got the bed built. Over the next week James and I drove ourselves nuts sanding the bed, priming, and painting it. We've still got a bit more touching up to do on it, needing to get a third shade of pink applied for some pretty contrast. We'll get to that one of these days. In the meantime, Bethy uses it and loves it despite the fact that it looks like Pepto-Bismol has been poured all over her room. Her room, literally, gives off a pink glow out into the halls. Yep, that's our princess for ya!

As I said earlier in this post, I had a birthday this past week. I'm now 34 and happy to be an "even" age again. I don't know why but odd numbers have always bugged me. I didn't like 31, and despised 33, but 34 is just fine. Having recently had the gray in my hair colored helps "34" be an easier pill to swallow, too.

James has found out he'll be reassigned to a different unit on post which will mean no deployments for him for at least a couple years. We share mixed emotions about this as he will not enjoy the new job nearly as much, but at the same time he'll be home most every night. I know everything rests in God's Hands and so I know that his new job will bring with it a blessing of some sort. It may be hard to find the joy in the orders right now, but time will eventually show us what the reason was for being in this position. The glass needs to be half-full, right? That's the best way to live life.

And on that note I'll end this post. May you all have a Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy all the blessings that have been bestowed on each of you.

New to Running?

2008-10-06T14:02:00.004-04:00

What do you do when someone asks you for advice on how to begin running, how to turn themselves into a runner, when you yourself feel completely inadequate and ill-prepared to provide an answer?

Well, if you're like me you look at that email in your inbox every day for weeks and contemplate what to say, never quite finding the right words to use, or the right advice to give.

After thinking this over for so long I've finally decided rather than reply directly to the person who asked me for this advice, I would blog about it in case anyone else out there is interested in the same info or would like to offer other suggestions or comments.

OK, so let me preface all this by saying I don't consider myself a runner yet. I'm not sure what criteria I'll use to determine when or if I get there, but right now I don't feel I'm 'there' yet. I read something a while back, nothing official, just some specualtion and ramblings, where someone made a distinction between running and jogging by using a 10 minute mile pace. If you are faster than a 10 minute mile you're running, slower than that and you're jogging. So I would fall into the jogger category as it takes me about 10 minutes to do one mile. Hence, I don't consider myself a runner.

Anyway, how did I begin learning to jog? I set my mind to it. That was the first step.

After I'd made my mind up that I wanted to embark on this new form of activity I hopped on the treadmill with a goal to jog for 5 minutes and then walk for 5 minutes, alternating until I'd been on the treadmill 30 minutes. This is how I began, but I'm used to daily exercise so I thought this starting level would be alright for me. Someone who isn't used to daily activity would need to start out at lower intervals and for less total time. But for simplicity in this post I'll just cover what I did and assume that anyone reading this will know to adjust their needs based on what they know to be true for themselves.

I hopped on the treadmill three days/week. That first week was at 5 minute intervals. The next week was 10 minutes of jogging/5 minutes walking. The third week was 15 minutes jogging/5 min walking. The fourth week was 20 minutes of jogging and a 5 minute walk to cooldown. The next week was 25 minutes of jogging and the 5 minute cooldown walk. Then a week of 30 minutes of jogging with a 5 minute cooldown. Then I think I might have changed the pattern so I went back to a 20 minute jog/5 min walk/another 20 min jog, so my time on the treadmill increased.

Basically, I just kept gradually adding on the time spent jogging until I could go at a solid stretch for quite awhile.

And I was pretty happy with how I was doing.

Until I tried to jog outside with a friend.

I'd worked up to jogging about 5 or 6 miles straight on the treadmill, but when I went outside to jog on the track this past February I only made it 1/4 of a mile. Talk about shock!!!!

I got some advice from a running pro I know (love ya, James!) who told me that running outside takes more effort because you are propelling yourself forward whereas on the treadmill you're letting a machine work for you. So from that moment on I abandoned the treadmill.

I'd also developed issues with my feet which required some time away from jogging so the break was both welcome and cursed.

When I got back into jogging I headed straight for the track and used the same technique as I had on the treadmill to train myself to jog outside. Only this time I didn't use time as my milestone to dictate when I moved onto another level. I used mileage.

I started with a goal to run 1 mile and then walk however many more my training plan needed me to. Then the next time I hit the track my goal was to run just a little more than I had the last time, whether that be 1/4 mile longer, 1/2 mile, or more. Each time I tried for a little further and was thrilled with whatever I got because it showed improvement.

And step by step I'm getting there. And so can you.

Lessons I've learned along the way, music can motivate you tremendously so use it if you need it. Also, for me, the first 1/2 mile is a bear ALWAYS! I have come to accept that the first mile will be evil and my legs will revolt against what I'm asking them to do for about 1/2 mile until they finally ease into it and meet the demands I'm putting on them. But that first 1/2 mile is always ugly for me. If I can bear with it, though, it does get better. And lastly, I've learned that not every jog will be good. Some days my legs feel heavier, some days I feel I'm floating. Some days my breathing is more controlled, some days the breathing isn't right and the side stitches creep up on me. It's always different. Don't expect perfection. Just go.

If anyone would like to offer their thoughts or comments or advice, please feel free to write what you know in the comment section. Love to hear from ya!

My Playlist

2008-09-26T17:31:00.003-04:00

A few posts ago I rambled on about how the songs I was listening to while running helped motivate me on my journey. I mentioned how much music touches me and speaks to my heart. But what do the songs on my blog's playlist mean to me? Why are they important? What makes them so special? I thought I'd use this post to share with you why I love these particular songs the way I do.

Kokomo by the Beach Boys--Nothing too deep here. I love the upbeat sound of the song, the beach-y theme, and it's from one of my favorite movies Cocktail. Just good fun.

Little Wonders by Rob Thomas--I adore the message in this song about how the real beauty in life is in the little moments, the every day stuff. It's in those moments that you really do your living and loving.

No Place That Far by Sara Evans--I used to sing this song to Morgan as a baby, telling her with every lyric that I would go to the ends of the Earth for her, because even that would not be too far. Love has no limits.

I Swear by John Michael Montgomery--This song was quite popular on country radio back in 1994. James and I chose it for our wedding song but it was so new to radio at the time that we couldn't find sheet music for it for our pianist and singers to sing at the wedding. We chose a different song for the actual ceremony but had this song for our first dance. We still consider it "our song" and sometimes reference it in notes to each other, such as "I love you, I swear."

The Search Is Over by Survivor--What a great, classic 80's song! And what a beautiful story about finding that one special person who was there all along. It just takes opening your eyes to see what is right under your nose.

I Would've Loved You Anyway by Trisha Yearwood--Amazing song sung by an extremely powerful voice. What an unbelievable message about loving someone so completely despite the tragic ending. Isn't that a lesson for us all? Love with all you have and to the fullest. The message in this song has always reminded me of the Poison song Every Rose Has Its Thorn when the verse says, "It's better to have lost at love than never to have loved at all." Amen to that.

I Loved Her First by Heartland--No doubt about it, for any future son-in-law of mine, don't ever doubt that I loved these girls long before they took their first breath, long before you came into their orbit. I will forever look out for them and do my best to protect them, and without any question I will forever love them. Hold her heart gently. I'll be watching.

Above the Clouds by Amber--This is a more recent song I stumbled across and found I truly enjoy. I think what gets me most about this song is when it talks about "If we had known it would be so hard would we have set out on this road together?" Isn't that so true? A weaker person might walk away before things get tough. But for those that are willing to stick it out and risk it all, well, the payoff is magnificent!

That's My Job by Conway Twitty--Again, I like a song that speaks to me, that has a message, that pulls at my heart. This one delivers all that. It reminds me of my own Dad. It's kind of his motto with me whether I ask him to build a toybox for the girls or whatever, he'll oftentimes answer, "That's my job." This was the 2nd song I had played at James and my wedding, for the father-daughter dance. It will always hold a special place in my heart, even more so now that I'm a parent. Taking care of my girls, that's my job.

I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe--It's impossible to know and humbling to imagine what that moment will be like when we meet Jesus. We truly can only imagine.

Lady in Red by Chris de Burgh--Another fantastic 80's tune. I melt when I hear this. Maybe it's the woman in me that wants to be swept off her feet, I'm not sure. I just know when he sings, "when you turned to me and smiled, it took my breath away, I have never had such a feeling, such a feeling of complete and utter love" I swoon. What woman wouldn't?

I'll Stand By You by the Pretenders--I love this song! Carrie Underwood remade it recently and her version is just as lovely as the original. I adore the message about standing by your loved one no matter what. My favorite parts of this song are "Nothing you confess could make me love you less" and "When you're standing at a crossroads and don't know which path to choose, let me come along cause even if you're wrong I'll stand by you." Ahhhh....

Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton--Oh, to tell a woman how beautiful and wonderful she is...how could she not fall in love with you? Nice.

Good Riddance by Green Day--I've really liked this song since I first heard it on the final episode of Seinfeld. Excellent message about hoping you lived each day to the fullest. I hope all of you are having the time of your lives.

Nobody Loves Me Like You Do by Whitney Houston--This ended up being the song that was sung at our wedding when we couldn't find the sheet music to our first choice of songs. I'd always liked this song since Whitney Houston sang it on my soap opera back in the early or mid 80's for a soap marriage. Yep, that's right. I'm such a sucker for a sappy song that when I heard this ballad as a young girl of probably no more than ten years old it made such an impression on me that nearly ten years later I would use it at my own wedding. And you all wonder what good comes from watching a soap opera all these years???

Forrest Gump music--There's not much to say about this except it is one of James' and my favorite movies. Hearing this melody reminds me of all the good times we've spent watching this movie, over and over. We've shared tears, we've shared laughs, we've loved it all, and we're sharing the film with our girls. It's really an awesome flick, isn't it?

Faithfully by Journey--This song has always been a good song in my opinion, but it wasn't until fairly recently that I really decided it was speaking to me. During the summer of 2007, with James deployed to Iraq, the girls and I took a road trip to Disney World. On that drive I pulled out a cd that James had in the car, a mix of tunes he'd made and left in there for who knows how long. I popped it in the player expecting a lot of metal and hard rock, the kind of stuff he loves. I was surprised to find this song in his mix and really listened to the words. When it talks about being away from home so much, and "being apart ain't easy on this love affair" I realized how much the lyrics resonated with our situation. Now it is in my list of favorite love songs.

Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers--For those of us that grew up in the 80's we know this song from the movie Ghost. It's as synonymous with that movie as is "Ditto." Those of you who love this film like I do know what I mean. It's probably the melody of the song I love most. It's very soothing and makes me feel like slow-dancin'.

After All These Years by Journey--My newest favorite song! I love everything, EVERYTHING, about this song. The words seem like they were written for James and I, about our time apart, our children growing up, overcoming our hardships. It's a fabulous song that I haven't tired of hearing yet.

My Little Girl by Tim McGraw--My girls are growing up on me and sometimes it breaks my heart to think how their baby days are long gone. But they are amazing young girls and will be incredible little women. I am as much in love with them as any mother possibly could be. No matter how grown they become, they will always remain my little girls. And I will love them forever, for always, no matter what.

Through The Years by Kenny Rogers--I picture James and I as old people in this song, rocking in our rockin' chairs and as gray as gray can be. And I picture us sittin' side by side holding hands, happy to have been with each other through all these years. And if he wants to sing me this song that'll be just fine and dandy with me!

Ready, Set, Don't Go by Billy Ray Cyrus--This song is for every parent who has a child growing up much quicker than the parent would like. Get ready, get set, please don't go....oh yeah, I completely get that! When the time comes, will I be ready to let my girls go? I'm quite certain my heart won't be, but I know I will have to let them fly and soar where their hearts need to go. I can't and won't hold them back. I'll help them find their wings and I'll cheer for them as they spread those wings to take flight. But I won't promise not to cry. My heart will surely be as broken into bits as it will be bursting with pride.

So there you have it, an explanation of all the songs on my blog and why they mean what they do to me. And with all that you have probably come to know me a little better, too.

Oh My Stars

2008-09-23T17:24:00.002-04:00

I'm so tired I can barely think right now. Thank goodness bedtime is a mere 4 hours away from now!

Today I hit the track for another long training day. My goal was nine miles. I wasn't really picky about how I accomplished those nine miles just so long as I finished them. I did want to run at least three of them straight but other than that I was content just to have nine at the end.

And nine I did!

Here is the rough breakdown of what I did...

Mile 1 fast walked
Miles 2, 3 and 4 jogged
Miles 5, 6, 7, and 8 alternated 1/4 mile jog with 1/4 mile walk
Mile 9 fast walked

The final tally had me at nine miles in 1 hour and 55 minutes. That breaks down to an average of a 12.78 minute mile, well ahead of the 16 minute mile pace that is required for the Half-Marathon.

I'm on my way!

Injury report: I felt a nagging ache in my right knee today while training, and still feel it now. My feet are also hurting from the plantar fascitis, but that's a given after such a long run. Hopefully they'll be fine, or at least better, in a couple more days. I took some Tylenol when I got home from the track so that should help keep the minor aches from becoming major pains.

Oh yeah, and did I mention I taught a one hour aqua class immediately following my two-hour track stint?

Yep, I'm tired!

Momma's aren't allowed to be sick, are they?

2008-09-18T14:23:00.002-04:00

What happens when the person responsible for making sure everyone in the household is fed and clothed in clean laundry, chauffeured to school and activities on time, and the all around finder-of-lost-things gets sick? Does the world come to a screeching halt? Does the laundry pile up in heaps? Do the children take a hiatus from school? Does no one get fed?

Or does the Momma carry on as best she can because she's needed and Momma's aren't allowed to take sick time.

I've been very blessed over the last few years not to get sick very often. Sure, I have all the sports injuries I've described over several posts but that's of my own making. But I've been very lucky not to get really sick over the last several years, ever since I began focusing on my health and learning to live better. But sometimes the illness just finds you.

I came down with a bout of 'it' Tuesday evening, whatever 'it' is. I'd just finished a hard workout day complete with a 4 mile run/walk, an hour aqua class, and then an hour step class. I'd been home from step class long enough to shower and get my jammies on and eat a light dinner of a veggie burger and an apple when I immediately got nauseous and had horrible stomach cramps.

The pain lasted the entire night, where I was awake so much I was just praying for daylight so the night would end. I still had the trouble all day yesterday, barely able to do much at all with the peeps in my circuit class. Today I'm feeling some better but the discomfort is still present.

I'm not sure what brought it on. James first thought it might be dehydration, but I don't think the symptoms would've lasted this long if that was what it was. And I'm not throwing up so it's not a normal stomach bug or the flu. My best guess is it is an irritation in the lining of my stomach (possible ulcer???) from ibuprofen usage. My podiatrist had had me taking the stuff daily for months to help with the foot pain but when I began complaining to him of stomach pain a few months ago he took me off it, concerned I was developing ulcer issues. I hadn't taken the stuff since except for maybe a couple times for knee pain or whatnot. But Tuesday afternoon I'd taken one dose of it to combat some aches I was having that day. Maybe it was just enough to irritate my tummy all over again and bring on the pain. Who knows?

What I do know is that our world didn't stop here and that's because I've got a good man for a husband who took care of me while I was ill. He was truly worried about me as I lay moaning in pain on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. He asked about me countless times yesterday to see if I was doing better. He helped out when I needed him and really made me feel cared for and loved.

You know how when you're a child and you're sick you just want your Mommy to take care of you? Well, this Momma is truly grateful that I had my daughters' Daddy taking care of me. Thank you babe.

You make one great Baby Daddy!

Music to my....Feet????

2008-09-10T12:11:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was my long run/walk day and I intended to type up this post right after coming home from the excursion while all my thoughts were still fresh in my head, but alas, the day got so busy that I didn't have time to work the post up until now. So here's the recap with a little background first.

Those of you who know me well know that I am a musical girl. That's not to say I'm a musically gifted or talented girl, just that I adore music. It speaks to me. It inspires and moves me. It courses through me. I love to sing outloud though I will admit I am probably off-tune more than I'm on. But that really isn't the purpose for me. I just love music. Probably even more than the music, I love lyrics. Again, if you know me well you know that I'm a word person, too. I love to read and write and edit. I love the written and spoken word. Put a melody behind some stirring words and I'm in heaven! Truthfully, the lyrics of a song are more important to me than the actual tune. If the song has a great sound but the words don't mean much to me then I don't really care that much about it. But give a ho-hum melody some sensational lyrics, something that speaks to me, and it's my new favorite song.

All that leads into my run yesterday. In order for me to jog/walk around a track for upwards of two hours, round and round the track I go, I have GOT to have some music in my ears. I couldn't imagine going long-distance without it. It's the distraction I need to keep me from giving up too soon.

I began yesterday's walk with the intention of completing 7 miles as I did last week, or possibly going for 8 if I felt I still had the energy left for that one additional mile. So I set out walking. I walked the first mile quickly to warm-up. Then I jogged the next two miles. Then I alternated jogging with walking for another four miles. For the last mile I speed walked to the finish for a total of 8 miles. And throughout those miles it was the music that filled my head and the thoughts that the music stirred up that kept my feet going.

Isn't it wonderful how the perfect song can come on at just the right time to spur you on? Eight miles is the longest I've ever gone and there were times I thought I might call it quits and head home. But I didn't.

Bon Jovi came on around mile 3, at which point I was still running, to the tune of "Runaway." Again, if you know much of anything about me you know I love Bon Jovi!! I grinned to myself thinking I was a little runaway at that moment.

A song that used to play in the daycare I worked at back in 2000 while I was an OSU student and Morgan was a toddler came on some time later. It was a beautiful song about "every time you smile, each time you look my way, with every little kiss you steal my heart away." I loved the music so much I bought the cd and this particular song found its way to my mp3 player. It brought back memories of my little girl and how much I adored her then and how much more I adore her now.

I had come to point in the run where I was getting really hot and cursing the Georgia heat and humidity when a Disney song came on, reminding me what I'm training for in the first place. And the song was perfect--from the movie Mulan, it was a song about making you strong and fit to fight. It's one of my favorite Disney songs. The chorus part of it sings, "We must be swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the
dark side of the moon." It pushed me to go further and be stronger than I had felt like being in the moments before the song came on.

At about mile 6 1/2 Kiss began playing "Beth." Just hearing my little girl's name being sung put a smile on my face and I began thinking of the example I'm trying to set for my children. I want the to be proud of their Momma, and I want them to grow into strong, confident, healthy and most of all, happy young women.

I think it was in mile 7 when I heard Hooked on a Feeling and the line in there about "keep it up girl." I focused on those words and told myself I absolutely could keep it up. I was going to finish what I started today. I refused to quit early at this point.

It was the final mile, though, where I really battled and needed the most help from my music to take my mind into another place. At mile 7 1/2 I got a dreaded side stitch and tried harder to control my breathing to get rid of it. I heard shots being fired from a nearby range and knew James was probably on that exact range firing his rifle with his guys as that's what they've been doing this week. Playing on my mp3 at the very moment I was hearing the range shots was Billy Dean's You Don't Count the Cost and the lyrics about a soldier fighting for his home. I burst with pride from all that my husband has endured over these past several years of war, and all that he sacrifices along with thousands of other soldiers, so that we can be free. I never forget, though, that freedom isn't free. But as the song says, "you don't count the cost."

My eight miles ended with me feeling an enormous sense of pride and a gratitude to God that I'm healthy and able-bodied enough to do what I'd just done. My time on the track was done just as Billy Dean's song was finishing, having reminded us all that "if you ever doubt it just think about the Cross, because when it comes to love you don't count the cost."

Final report, eight miles in 1 hour, 43 minutes. Completed with the help of a lot of music, thoughts of those I love, and pride to be who and what I am in America.

For my James

2008-09-08T14:24:00.003-04:00

Babe,

This post is for you, the one who is my best friend, my love, my all. You inspire me everyday. For all we've built, for all still to come, you're still the one.

Journey--After All These Years

A faded wedding photograph
You and me in our first dance
Our eyes are closed
We're lost in one sweet embrace
Since those days the world has changed
But our love remains the same
God knows we've had our share of saving grace

And I'm proud of all the blessings
You have given me
The mountains we have climbed to get this far
You've learned to take the laughter with the tears
After all these years

You make it feel brand new
After the fires that we walked through
Against the odds we never lost our faith

In our house we've made our home
Where our children all have grown
Precious moments time cannot erase

Make a living up and down the gypsy highways
Seasons that we've had to share apart
Somehow in my heart I always keep you near me
After all these years

After all these years
You stood by me
The days and nights that I was gone
After all these years
You sacrificed, believed in me
And you stood strong
Cause with our love there's nothing left to fear
After all these years

After all these years
You stood by me
The days and nights that I was gone
After all these years
You've sacrificed, believed in me
And you stood strong
Cause with our love there's nothing left to fear
After all these years

(This song is in my playlist at the bottom of this page. Scroll down and click on the song to hear it if it's not currently playing on my blog.)

Quick update

2008-09-02T19:27:00.003-04:00

We spent the Labor Day weekend at the beach in Destin, Florida, trying to get down there and back before Gustav reared his ugly head. I'll post more on that another time, along with some pictures from the trip. It was great to be back on the sand and enjoying the family time. We are definitely beach people!

I worked on tearing the wall down a little more today but am suffering for it a bit tonight. I walked an easy 1 mile with Beth this morning at her school before hitting the track on my own for 7 miles. I walked more than jogged, but I did do a fair amount of jogging in there if I do say so myself. I finished the 7 mile trek in 1 hour, 33 minutes. I haven't decided if I will up the mileage to 8 next week or repeat the 7 hoping for a better time. Either way, I'm pleased that I'm completing the tasks I set for myself. Oh yeah, I also taught an aqua class today.

Tonight my feet are aching from the plantar fascitis, and one toenail is really sore which James says is a common runner's injury (called "runner's toe," I guess). I plan to ice the feet and elevate them after I get the kids in bed. A good deal of stretching will probably help, too.

As James put it to me today when describing his own injuries, "you gotta know when to work through the pain and when to stop from the pain," or something to that effect. I'm working through the pain right now as it's tolerable and I'm feeling confident that I can keep this up. And if I have to stop at some point, well, that'll just be one more brick wall I'll have to battle down like the ones before.

Just a little more than 4 months left until the marathon. Hip hip horray!

I've never liked Pink Floyd anyway

2008-08-28T10:33:00.002-04:00

"Just another brick in the wall," he says?

YEAH, RIGHT!

Someone ought to tell him I'm taking those bricks out of the wall.

Remember the post not too far back where I mentioned all the brick walls I was running into with my training and how I wasn't certain I could make it through to the marathon but I was going to try my hardest and push through those walls to show how badly I wanted this? Well, I'm pushing, and I do believe some bricks are coming out of the walls. Little by little the walls are crumbling and I'm feeling more confident that I can and will finish that half-marathon in January.

Last Tuesday I did five miles on the track but struggled with a bit of foot pain while doing them. My schedule didn't allow me time to get back to the track again until today, where I upped the laps to 6 miles. I alternated jogging with walking and accomplished the mission in 1 hour, 17 minutes.

And miraculously my feet didn't hurt one bit while on the track! Now that I'm home I can feel them starting to ache a bit but I'll ice them and stretch them well to keep them from screaming at me.

I need to leave in a little bit to teach my aqua class and then this evening I have a step class to teach. Of all days, one would think I must be insane to plan my biggest walk of the week on the same day I double up on my class teachings, but this was the only day I could fit the training in.

But I'm feeling pretty proud that what I'm aiming for is within sight and my body isn't rebelling like it had a while back.

So take that Pink Floyd!

School is going to be the death of me

2008-08-20T13:04:00.002-04:00

I know there are parents out there who relish sending their kids back to school because it frees up their day and gives them more time to themselves. Truthfully, I'd like to meet 'these parents' and find out if they're full of hogwash or not. My life has never simplified when school is back in session.

Never.

It's as if I'm back in school in a way. One challenge comes from helping my first-grader, who has never had homework before, get used to doing daily homework. This is so new to Bethany that she's been quite the little pain in the rear about doing it. She whines about it, or just gets irritated that she's having to do it, or gets lazy and would rather squirm or try to defy me. I'm doing my best to set the tone that schoolwork is non-negotiable and whining will not be tolerated. She has already lost certain priveledges over the homework battle so I'm hoping that the worst is over. But it ain't no picnic for either of us even on the best of days.

Then we have Morgan, my dear Morgan. I spend an enormous amount of time every day asking her questions about what homework she has, whether the books are being brought home, reading through her agenda to know what teachers assigned what, trying to keep her focused during the acutal homework, and then reviewing her schoolwork for accuracy. Middle school is a hellacious change from elementary school and poor Morgan and I are still trying to adjust.

From the time they get home from school we are so busy with after-school snacks and talking about the day, and then getting the homework done, that dinnertime rolls around so quickly and following that is bath and bedtime in order to start the whole process tomorrow. My goodness, I hardly get to just be with my children anymore.

Cuddling on the couch, laughing at a joke, reading a great book together, smiling in secrecy, just being with the girls...I think I actually learn more in those moments that I ever did in school.

Loopy, lazy, listening, or livin' la vida loco?

2008-08-12T16:03:00.004-04:00

All of these adjectives ran through my brain today as I attempted to label what I was feeling in regards to my days' workout.

As I woke this morning I was a bit unsure of what all I would do for exercise today. I really wanted to get 4 miles of training in and I knew I had an hour aqua class to teach at noon. Other possibilities included walking with Bethany at morning PE before school and attending a spin class. All these workout plans must mean I'm a little loopy, eh?

With a drizzle coming down the morning PE was out. No big deal as that's just a mile of light walking anyway. Due to the drizzle, though, I crossed off the 4 miles of training since that would be at the one mile track and I wasn't interested in doing that in the rain.

So I came home. Hence the laziness.

Then I told myself that I really, truly was still groggy from not sleeping well last night so I aimed to take a little nap. That's where the listening part comes in. I reasoned with myself that I was listening to my body and trying to give it what it really needed which was a little break rather than a day full of exhaustion. After lying in bed for about half an hour and not being able to sleep I gave up on the nap notion and formulated a new plan.

The time was now about 10am, with spin class scheduled to start at 10:30. I could grab a quick snack and get out the door in time to spin, but more than spinning I really wanted to log 4 miles today. The rain had stopped so my outdoor mileage was now back on the agenda.

I made it to the track, stretched, and began walking at 10:40. I had one hour until I needed to get inside to prepare for my aqua class. After 3 miles of walking it was now 11:25. I didn't have quite enough time to walk another mile, finish more stretching, and get to class on time. But I really, really wanted that fourth mile. So I made my mind up to jog/walk that last mile. I haven't really jogged in months due to the previously mentioned foot/knee/hip problems, but I gave it a shot today and finished the mile in 11 minutes. A few minutes to stretch, my laps were complete, and I was off to aqua.

Such is my crazy life. Gotta keep flexible, right? We're all livin' la vida loco. Better enjoy the ride.

Left foot, right foot, feet, feet, feet

2008-08-09T14:23:00.003-04:00

Taking a quick hiatus from the cruise reporting, I thought I'd share something non-vacation related.

As I was walking this morning I had this particular Dr. Suess book title running through my head. People who know me well know that I am no Dr. Suess fan. Not in the least. I've never cared for the nonsensical rhyming type books. They just make no sense to me. I understand they are great for teaching children because of the rhyming and lilting tone of voice used to read them, and the repetition is good to help little ones start to read. But I don't like 'em.

Because of my aversion to Dr. Suess books it is beyond understanding how we ended up buying the Left foot, Right foot book before Morgan was born. I'm sure it was not my idea so it must've been James who put it in our shopping cart, probably despite my protests. I do recall we used to read the book to my expanding belly while waiting on Morgan to arrive. And no matter how I try, the crazy rhymes just won't escape my head.

Which is what was going through my brain today as I plodded along on a 2 mile walk at the track this morning. I had just finished up an hour and a half of teaching aerobics this morning and wanted to hit the track for some marathon training. I've been away from the training for the past two weeks as I'd started experiencing hip pain and didn't want to exaserbate the injury by pushing through the pain. But today things were feeling well enough to begin with that I decided to give it another go.

And when the pain started to come back in a less sharp/more nagging type of way, I heard Dr. Suess inside my head, chanting "Left foot, right foot, feet, feet, feet." I tried to hush him up but he kept chanting despite my mp3 trying to drown him out with some great 80's tunes. So I just went with the Suess non-sense and told myself that that was exactly how I was going to accumulate the mileage I need to complete this half-marathon I've registered for.

Despite all the roadblocks I've had along the way (and there have been many!) I'm still trying to follow through with the promise I made to myself back on January 1st of this year. And I remind myself of some powerful words that never fail to inspire me~~The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are there to keep "the others" out. The brick walls are there to test how badly we want something.

I have run into so many brick walls over the last few months with my feet issues (plantar fascitis), a knee problem, and then the most recent hip problem. I've considered that these are all signs from God that I'm not meant to be in this marathon. And then I reconsider that maybe these are all brick walls God is placing before me to see how badly I want to keep the promise I made to myself, how badly I want to prove to myself that I can accomplish this, how badly I want to drown out the high-school teasing that still echoes in my head.

I pushed through the brick walls today and want to keep pushing ahead, one foot at a time. The left foot, and then the right foot. Feet, feet, feet.

Day Two, Nassau, Bahamas PICTURES ADDED

2008-07-28T18:01:00.009-04:00

I've let way too much time pass since our cruise ended, and sadly I'm sure some of my memories are not as fresh and clear as they would've been had I written these notes much sooner. Regardless, here I am now, retelling our adventure in the Bahamas.

We awoke early to the sound of room service knocking on our door with our breakfast which was devoured on our balcony as the ship pulled into port. It was not the best of breakfasts as Carnival doesn't offer anything hot on their breakfast room service menu, but we made do with some fruit, pastries, and of course the hot tea and coffee. I could've been eating cat food and not cared that much as the novelty of eating on our very own balcony as we neared Nassau was just too remarkable to sour. It was a great moment. If we'd had any doubts about whether the price for a balcony cabin was "worth it" they quickly faded. Having the balcony was definitely the way to go!

Our ship was to dock at 7am and it was my goal to have us off the ship ASAP, and that I did! As we exited there was not one other soul on the street ahead of us. As we left the port area and walked through the gates that opened to the city of Nassau, again, there were no other cruise passengers in front of us. I'm pretty darn sure by all of this that we were the first people off the ship that day. Not sure if that speaks to my compulsive over-planning or not, you be the judge.

Anyway, we arranged a cab to take us across the bridge to Paradise Island, where we'd ferry to Blue Lagoon Island for our dolphin swim. This was a special treat for Morgan, our future dolphin trainer/marine biologist. I thought this might make a strong impression on her and if it helped confirm her career path wishes then all the better. If not, we'd have terrific memories. And that we did!

The ferry ride to the island lasted about half an hour each way, taking us by some gorgeous mansions on the waterfront. The water was as clear and tourquiose as any postcard you'd fine would depict. The only sad point was that we never saw any wild dolphins, try as we might.

When we got to Dolphin Encounters James and I split up with the girls. I took Morgan to the "swim" area while he took Bethany to the "encounter" area. We had chosen not to have Bethany do the swim as she often gets very shy in new enviornments and will not interact with humans, let alone big animals. She did the exact thing here, even with just sitting on the side of the dolphin encounter exhibit. She clung to James and cried, hardly looking at the dolphin, nevermind even touching it. We could've gotten by with only paying $20 for her to be an "observer" had we known she'd react this way. Instead we'd paid over $100 for her to be able to touch and be close to the dolphin and that proved a waste of money.

All the while this drama was going on with James and Bethy, Morgan and I were in our area swimming with the creatures, holding onto them, getting and giving kisses, and finally having a swim moment for each of us where the dolphin pushed us by our feet through the water! It was exhilarating and awesome! We purchased the dvd of our interaction and some photos so we have some footage to help us remember the day.

We were back onboard the ship around noon, had some lunch, then relaxed for a while at the pool. We made it a priority to try out the water slide but it wasn't as much fun as we thought it would be due to the incredibily hot board floor on the Lido Deck. In order to walk up to the entrance to the slide we had to cross the very, very hot boards which burned the bottoms of our feet and discouraged us from doing it more than a couple times. It was fun the two times we did it, though, except for the rush of saltwater up your nose at the finish.

Dinner that night was the first of two formal nights and we all four dressed up nice and spiffy. James looked quite dashing in his uniform and the girls looked like the precious young ladies they are. I was so proud to be walking around with my three most favorite people in the world. I must have been beaming all night long!

We posed for a couple photos which we ended up buying to have as momentos of that great night.

The show that night was filled with dancers and costumes and singing. You know Bethany was lovin' it! She admired the dancers so much and wished that she could dance like that some day. It was a very well done show with top quality entertainment. We loved it all!

Our night ended with us going to sleep again to the sounds of the seas. Delightful!

Cruising....it's addictive! NOW WITH PICTURES

2008-07-20T14:42:00.005-04:00

It may not be for everyone, and it may not be the type of vacation some would want to take over and over again. But for our family this was a fantastic vacation, one we could definitely repeat time and again.

Our Sunday morning began waking early enough at the hotel to fit in a workout prior to getting ready to head to the port. First James went for a run in the downtown Miami streets (YIKES!). When he returned to the hotel room I headed downstairs to the fitness center and got in a good sweat, all the while telling myself that in just a few more hours I'd be on a cruise ship where I would be facing all kinds of yummy goodies every which way I looked. Best try to keep in shape as much as I can to help avoid the pounds that seem to find their way onto most people's shapes while cruising.

Anyway, after getting ready at the hotel, and happy-dancin' a little bit about going on a cruise, we took off for the port of Miami, just a short 10 minute drive from our hotel. In port we saw OUR ship parked between two others, the massive Royal Carribean Freedom of the Seas and another Carnival ship, the Triumph. We parked our van in the parking garage, loaded our luggage onto the shuttle bus, and made our way through the crowds of people exiting the ship. Finally we found the inside of the terminal, had our bags scanned, and entered the line of people waiting to check-in. It wasn't a long line at all, mostly because we had chosen to arrive pretty early, about 11am. The cruise lines advise you to arrive around 1 or 2 but it is common knowledge among the cruise message boards I frequent that the ships begin checking people in around 11 and begin boarding very shortly after that. If you arrive at the terminal about the time we did you will likely be on the ship by noon and able to start your week long gorge-fest with a lunch time meal right after embarkation. And that proved true for us this time as was the case the last time we cruised in 2004.

We were on the Valor by noon, carry-on bags and kids in tow. Morgan's first impression of the ship had her jaw nearly touching the floor. She was astounded by the size and beauty of the ship and so completely grateful for the opportunity to cruise! We're certainly lucky to have a daughter who shows her gratitude and counts her blessings.

Our cabin was not ready for us yet, so we took our carry-ons with us as we made our way to the buffet area for lunch. I don't recall what any of us ate at the meal, or much about any of our buffet meals at any time during the cruise, but I do recall where we sat. The area we sat during that first meal came to be "our area," that which we found ourselves going back to most every meal in the buffet for the duration of the trip. James and I seemed to pair off with the girls, he taking one while I took the other, loading their plates, and having an understanding that we'd meet back at "our area" when the food for the assigned child had been gathered. It worked out reasonably well. Not as easy as eating in the dining room where we were waited on hand and foot, but for a buffet meal when we needed one (breakfasts and lunches) our system worked.

Moving on, when our cabin was finally ready about 1:30pm we made our way there and relished what would be our "home" for the next week. On our previous cruise James and I had booked an ocean view room, one with just a window to look out. This time we decided we wanted a balcony room to have the extra space and the view and fresh air. It was a fantastic choice! This room was perfect for us, although with children you can never have too much space, but we made do. The girls loved the balcony and abided by our ground rules all week long, remembering the safety briefings Mom and Dad had given them. Probably didn't hurt that we told them the balcony door had an alarm attached to it that would sound if they were to open the door without their parents' knowledge. Hee hee hee!!!!

The rest of the afternoon was spent walking around the ship, trying to get our bearings, marveling at the beauty, and thanking God that we were together as a family again embarking on such a great journey together.

Around 4:30pm or so the muster drill signal told us it was time to don our neon orange vests and proceed to our assigned station.

After standing there forever, crammed into the space like sardines, and hearing the lady behind me say, "I think I'm gonna pass out!", we saw the horizon starting to change. Morgan noticed it first telling us she thought the ship was now moving. Yes indeed it was! We were sailing away! It irks me to no end that Carnival sometimes does this. Why not wait until the muster drill is over so people can put away their life jackets and then make their way to the decks to enjoy sail away? What harm is there in waiting an additional five or ten minutes to depart? Regardless, we were on our way. As soon as we were released from our lifeboat stations we put the vests back in our cabin and made our way to higher ground to watch Miami growing smaller in the distance.

While sailing away we met a family from Ohio who told us they would be on the same dolphin swim excursion as us the next day, and they had a daughter somewhat close to Bethy's size. We'd hoped Bethy would make friends with her but after having swum in the ships' salt water pools earlier that day and the bright sunshine beating down on us during sail-away, Bethy's eyes were beet red and burning, so she was a little anti-social. We would see this family many times throughout the week and they always appeared to be having a ball!

It was time to get ready for dinner in the dining room, something we'd tried to prepare the kids for. They were excited to dress up and were on their best behavior. Again, I don't recall what we ate that first night but I do recall that our first impression was not terrific. Our waiter confused our order a couple times. I'm not sure if it was a communication issue due to him not understanding us well, or if he was overworked, or what. This was the only night we encountered errors in our meals, but the entire week we were a little bit dismayed at how our service (and the other tables of our server) was taking two hours or more when other tables around us handled by different servers were finishing their dessert before we'd even received our entrees. We didn't complain to the Maitre 'd about it, though, and just let it be. Our waiter did seem to be working very hard and we wouldn't want him to get in trouble for doing his best. Harris was very polite and it was a pleasure to meet him. We found nothing else negative to say about our dining experience so why not let the small stuff go, right?

After dinner we took the kids to their Camp Carnival meet-n-greet party. They danced in the club, sometimes dragging us out there with them and sometimes not. Bethy made a friend while dancing, someone she would hang out in the camp with over the next week. Morgan seemed to have a great time, too, and ended up making a couple friends with whom she exchanged addresses with on our final day.

Soon we retired to bed and enjoyed the wonder of being on such a massive ship, in the middle of the ocean, and going to sleep to the sound of the water rushing by outside. We had a big day to look forward to tomorrow, in Nassau, Bahamas, and we needed our energy for that.

Our Trip, Days 1-3, Tampa and Busch Gardens

2008-07-14T19:56:00.007-04:00

Let the vacation begin...

Our vacation journey first led us to Tampa where we enjoyed a day at Busch Gardens compliments of Anheiser-Busch. We take advantage of their free military offer every year, usually going to Sea World. However, to break up the monotony we decided to visit the Gardens instead.

Upon arriving in Tampa we checked into our hotel, got settled, and had hoped to visit the pool but the story weather outside interfered with our plans. Instead of swimming we went to the local (ghetto) Wal-Mart for some items we'd forgotten to get prior to leaving home. We also grabbed some frozen, microwavable dinners to eat that night.

The rain never let up so our evening was spent in the hotel room, lounging around, and finding Mr. Been's Holiday Vacation on TV. I promise you, I have never seen a dumber movie than that one. I apologize if any of you love this film, but I couldn't stand it one single bit. It was as stupid as stupid can be.

The next morning we shuttled ourselves over to Busch Gardens and found the first ride of the day for our amusement park loving selves. James and Morgan rode a wooden roller coaster twice while I took Bethany to a tamer ride made for her age group. Then Morgan found me and asked if I'd like to ride the coaster with her. I oblighed while James stayed with Beth on the kid stuff.

I was quickly reminded that I don't like roller coasters when just a few seconds into this ride it stole my hat! Yep, it surely did! My blue ball cap was seized by the Gwazi gods to meet the same fate that James's Bubba Gump ball cap met a couple years ago by the Disney Splash Mountain gnomes.

So what does a girl with very thinning hair in the bright Florida sun do? Well, first she checks out the nearest souvenier stand for suitable replacement hats but finds that spending over $20 on a ballcap that she doesn't even really like won't do. Then she asks her dear hubby if he'd allow her to wear his for the day as he doesn't really have to worry about hat hair, thanks to the ever present flattop military cut he sports. Good and decent fellow that he is, he surrenders his hat to his bride and goes without for the whole day. Big time points scored on that one!

The rest of the day had us riding this and that, seeking shelter during this rainstorm and that, looking at this critter and that, and James drinking a little of this free beer and then that. It was a good family fun day.

After shuttling back to the hotel we went right next door to McAlister's Deli for a quick bite to eat before turning in for the night. We really enjoyed our quick meal and don't know why we've never tried this restaurant before as we do have one in our town. We'll definitely have to hit them up again sometime as they hit the spot for quick sandwiches.

The next morning was bright and sunny so we finally let the girls swim in the hotel pool for a little while before hitting the road for Miami. It was a great energy release for them before the upcoming 5 hour drive. The drive wasn't bad except for the heebie-jeebies I had the entire stretch of Alligator Alley, of which one alligator was spotted by none other than yours truly, the reptile-o-phobe that I am!

Finally, I'll end this post tonight with a picture of Bethany beside a statue of a Clydesdale at Busch Gardens in honor of the truly American beer company that will soon be no more. May they rest in Dutch peace....

Off to the Midwest

2008-06-27T06:58:00.002-04:00

We're getting ready to leave this morning to head first to Indianapolis to visit my brother, and then to St Louis to visit my parents, sister, and neice and nephew. James hasn't seen them since Christmas 2006 so I think he's really looking forward to it all (except the drive). The girls are most looking forward to fishing with my brother (that's something they don't get anywhere else as I am NOT a fishing kind of gal) and playing with their cousins (the only 2 they have).

On a side note, I was back to teaching on Wed and Thurs after having been off for about 2 weeks. It felt SOOO good to be back at it! On the cruise I did work out, and we stuck to our pact to not use the elevators which was a tremendous help, I'm sure, in keeping the weight relatively down. I know I gained something but I'm hoping it wasn't too bad. Anyway, I really missed teaching while I was gone and feel bad that I only returned for 2 days before taking off again. I'm anxious to get back to a routine where I'm back for good. I miss the ladies, the workouts, and the predictability.

Oh, and I HAVE to get into a marathon training groove when we get home. Due to my aching feet (plantar fascitis) and a bum knee I am having to reformulate my approach to tackling the marathon. Instead of jogging it like I'd planned I'm going to go wit a training plan that has me walking it. Not what I wanted but based on my injuries it's obviously what my body is telling me I need. Sometimes we finally have to listen to what our bodies are saying or risk further injury.

So, come July 7th when we return, it is GAME ON with the training schedule!

A few photos to share

2008-06-25T22:27:00.003-04:00

Time is short as we're only home for a couple days before heading out for some more vacationing. We're going to the Midwest to visit family~~fun in its own right, but it certainly doesn't compare to the Caribbean!!!

Anyway, here are just a few photos from our trip. More will be coming later.

Beginning our trip in Tampa, where we went to Busch Gardens. Hooray for the Hero Salute promotion that let's us into the park for free! Love that! Let's hope the Dutch don't buy out Anheiser-Busch because I doubt the Dutch would continue supporting our troops with free theme park tickets if they acquired all the parks that A/B owns.

Our family in Trunk Bay on St. John Island in the US Virgin Islands. This is by far the most beautiful place we've ever seen. The island is a US National Park which has kept it very well cared for and extremely pristine. We could definitely see ourselves returning here for a future visit. It was gorgeous. Sure didn't hurt that this day was our anniversary. What better way to celebrate 14 years together than on a gorgeous beach like this?!

Here is me, doing exactly what I'd said I'd be doing, soaking up some sun!

After leaving St. John via ferry to head back to our port island, St Thomas, we stopped to take this picture with our ship in the background. We were on the Carnival Valor.

Back on the ship, we relaxed and savored the view of St. Thomas in the background. This turned out to be my favorite night of the cruise. Every other night we spent time getting ready for a formal dinner, two hours or more eating the dinner, and missed every sunset. This particular night, our anniversary, we decided to forego the fancy-schmancy dining room and just eat casually from the buffet, me still in my swim attire! As we ate we watched the sun disappear behind the mountains of the island, and then were in awe of all the twinkling lights of the city. It was breath-taking and the most perfect way to toast 14 years together.

I'm Gonna Soak up the Sun

2008-06-11T22:03:00.002-04:00

I've got Shreyl Crow's voice ringing in my ears now, letting me know that my vacation is about to start. Like the song says, I'm gonna soak up the sun, and boy, will I love it!

We're leaving in the morning for our long awaited family vacation--a true reminder that this deployment has ended, our family time has arrived, and the rest of the world will still be waiting for us when we get home.

We're heading to Tampa for a couple days to see Busch Gardens. After that we'll drive to Miami to board the Carnival Valor for our 7 night cruise. We can't wait to set sail (with Captain Morgan, lol) and watch the excitement on the girls' faces as the experience their first cruise. We'll get to spend our 14th anniversary in a tropical paradise. Does it get much better than that? When the cruise ends we'll head to Orlando to spend a day at one of Disney's waterparks to finish off our water and sun-filled vacation.

We'll arrive home for a couple days, just long enough to do some laundry, before taking off for the midwest to visit my brother and his wife, and then on to St. Louis to visit my parents, sister, nephew and neice.

We've got a lot planned over the next few weeks, and our gas bills will prove it, I'm sure! But I'll not think of that right now. I'll just focus on getting a good night's sleep and welcome the morning with a cheery face and an eager anticipation for all the fun that's in store.

Vacation, HERE WE COME!!!

Beach-Lovin' Family

2008-06-09T13:42:00.013-04:00

For Memorial Weekend our family journeyed down to Panama City Beach, Florida for some sun and fun. This trip was spur-of-the-moment, sort of. To me spur-of-the-moment usually means less than a week or two of planning. In actuality, we made our reservations on a Wednesday and headed down there on Saturday morning. Not as much planning time as I like but still enough to pull together what needed done.

We elected to keep the trip a secret from the girls so they didn't know anything was up. Saturday morning I taught my usual class then came home to clean up. When that was done we told the girls to get in the van because we had some things to do. They obeyed and off we went. After a while they began asking where we were going and we just said we had some friends we were off to visit and left it at that. After about three hours Morgan finally began complaining about why we had to drive so far to see friends. We were within about 10 miles of the beach when she finally put it together and it made for the best surprise we could've asked for! The girls were thrilled to get to go to the beach and have all weekend to enjoy it!

During OIF 1 I got to know the wife and children of James' platoon sergeant fairly well. They moved away from here back in November 2003 in favor of returning to their hometown~~Panama City. Whenever we head down there we try to look them up for a quick visit to keep in touch. James and Freddie have a great time remembering "old times" and Darlus and I enjoy chatting while the four girls we have between us all play well together. It makes for some terrific memories.

This visit was different, however, in that Freddie and Darlus had just purchased their own boat a few weeks before and invited us to join them on it. They picked us up (in their boat) at the lagoon by our hotel and off we went across the gulf waters. We were on the lookout for dolphins the whole time but they stayed out of sight until later that night when one lonely dolphin jumped in front of our boat, giving Morgan a thrill!

Freddie drove us out to Shell Island which is only accessible by boats. It's uninhabited and beautiful. The water threat level was at two red flags which meant no one should be in the water swimming due to the waves and danger so we didn't stay long. Mostly we just held onto the kids and let some waves knock them over a few times and then allowed them to dig in the sand as the sun set behind us. We then hopped back on the boat and Freddie drove us across the bay back to our hotel.

The next day we headed to St. Andrews State Park for some simple beach time in some very shallow water. Darlus and her girls met us there for an hour or so which gave the kids more time to play together. After a few hours of swimming and sand-castle building we heard thunder rolling and decided (along with the throngs of other beach-goers) that it was time to pack up and leave before the storm was on top of us. We went back to the hotel to clean up and rest a bit before going out to dinner.

Dinner was delicious--how can you go wrong with fresh seafood??? I thoroughly enjoyed my crab leg feast while James devoured his shrimp. The girls ate whatever it was they ordered and then kept occupied watching for dolphins again as we were eating outdoors right on the water. It was a yummy meal!

Our last morning we headed to a bakery that we've always wanted to try but had never seen open before. This time it was open, and BUSY, so we popped in to grab some pastries before heading back to the beach for a final hour or so of water time before cleaning up and heading home. Or so we thought.

Breakfast was peaceful and relaxing sitting by the water. The girls found several hermit crabs after they'd eaten and decided to have a hermit crab race with them. They gave them names and rooted for their favorites. I'm pretty sure it's a memory we'll all carry with us for quite some time.

The plan was to clean up now, grab a quick bite on the way out of town (even though we weren't hungry yet) and hit the road for the 3 1/2 hour drive home. However, because we weren't hungry yet but we couldn't see leaving town without one more seafood meal, we decided to kill a little time with another tourist-y attraction. We took in the Ripley's Believe it or Not! museum. Morgan has always wanted to go to one of these as she gets such a kick out of stuff like that so we obliged. It was interesting to say the least.

After the museum we were ready for lunch so we drove around looking for something that would meet our needs and after a while we found what we wanted. After a final seafood meal we were ready to hit the road home. Everyone was tanned (and then some!), fed, happy, and exhausted.

One of my favorite memories will be discovering what Morgan had written in the sand while she was off by herself. It says, "I love my Momma."

We had had a great Memorial Weekend that came only one week after James returned home. We found ourselves frequently saying how interesting it was that he had still been in Iraq barely 8 days before and suddenly, here he was, sitting on the beach, watching for dolphins, hanging in a boat with his old buddy, watching his daughters race hermit crabs, and so on. Quite a culture shock. And yet, so very right and real and restful.

How happy and complete we feel to have Daddy home. It doesn't get much better.

A picture is worth a thousand words

2008-05-19T19:20:00.000-04:00

Enough said.

T-minus 5 hours

2008-05-16T14:03:00.003-04:00

Isn't that what mission control uses to countdown until liftoff? Well, it is now "T- minus 5 hours" here meaning it is about 5 hours from when James should be landing. Unbelievable that this day has finally arrived. I'm in shock and dumbfounded, thrilled beyond words, and nauseous.

Yep. That's right. I'm sick to my stomach. I'm certain it is mostly nerves and anxiousness. I wasn't even able to give it my all in class this morning because my stomach was churning so much. I wonder if other ladies go through these same emotions or if I'm the only silly one that gets this feeling in her stomach like a giddy bride on her wedding day. Jeesh, we've been married almost 14 years. I guess it's a good thing, though, to still feel butterflies after all this time. It means the spark is still there and the absence certainly made the heart grow fonder.

The wait will end soon enough. Until then I have oodles to finish up around the house. My next post will be after he's made it home!!!!

A great Mother's Day

2008-05-11T17:28:00.004-04:00

Even without my daughters' father here to share in the day, it still turned out to be a great Mother's Day. I mean, really, isn't every day Mother's Day when you get to share in all the hugs and kisses from your very special angels sent from God to teach you how to be a better person?

My day began with two little voices telling me to wake up. They had slept in the living room so they could wake early and prepare a breakfast for me. I was greeted in bed by two slices of bread slathered in butter, a cut up orange, a whole apple, a huge glass of OJ, a vase of flowers (the same ones Bethy was given for her recital yesterday) and a parfait. Not just any parfait, mind you. This parfait was created by children after my sugar-addicted heart. It was layered in a glass as follows; cinnamon flavored choc. chips, semi-sweet choc. chips, sprinkles, cinnamon chips, choc. chips, sprinkles, and topped with thin mint cookies. Oh dear Heavens!!! What would the ladies at the gym think of this????

After enjoying what I could eat of the breakfast the girls had prepared for me we ventured downstairs where I was (finally!) greeted by an email card from James. He's still alright and his redeployment is inching ever so closer day by day.

The girls have been fantastic helpers to me all day long. I'd told them that what I wanted more than anything today was lots of help getting the house in order for Daddy's return. I wanted a more thorough cleaning than just our normal weekend tidying up. Everything I've asked the girls to do they have done, not always happily and cheerfully but still willingly. We've washed all the curtains, vacuumed out the crunchies under the couch cushions, scrubbed litterboxes, chased away dustbunnies, and all kinds of other little chores that pile up when you're busy living your day to day life.

I'm not finished with all that I need to do. Goodness knows I've put off a lot today in favor of that 30 minute nap on the couch, a little TV watching (we borrowed the Indiana Jones series from the library so Morgan could see what it's all about before going to the theater with her Daddy to see the newest release once he's home), and a few other lazy moments. But together the girls and I have accomplished a lot and I feel very happy about how the day has gone.

And to top off this most wonderful day, the Survivor finale is on tonight. That means 3 hours of Survivor for me tonight. Again, another thank you to James for getting me hooked on this show. I do believe I would make a great contestant. Hmmm....maybe James will help me get a video application ready???

Tomorrow is the last Monday of the school year as the girls have the 19th off for a teacher work day, and the 26th off for Memorial Day. Maybe after tomorrow we'll only have one more link to take off our paper chain we made when James left. We made it the day after he left home. When we made it I felt like one link for every day he'd be gone would make way too long of a chain and it would feel too overwhelming. So instead we made one link for each week he'd be gone, and Monday became our day for removing each week's link as it just felt like that was the day the week started for us. So tomorrow we'll remove one link and then by the next Monday we hope to know for certain that he'll be home before another week passes. Crossing fingers.....

What a blessing each day is, and all the sweeter because someone calls me "Momma."

A ballerina is born

2008-05-11T09:13:00.004-04:00

Bethany performed in her very first ballet recital on Saturday, May 10th. She looked gorgeous and it was quite a treat to see her dancing to "Going to the Chapel" and enjoying herself on stage. After she'd received her trophy and a bouquet of flowers from her sister and I, she declared it the best day of her life. How precious!

Good news, bad news? No news...

2008-05-10T08:50:00.002-04:00

Nothing to report. I haven't heard from James in two days. No phone call (that's nuthin' new since he's only called a total of 6 times in 14 months!!!) and no email (that's rare!). He usually emails every day or even a few times a day, but now I've heard nothing since Thursday morning.

They say no news is good news and I hope that's right. I'm not going to let my mind wander to the worst case scenario, though every one knows what that would be. Every single day of the entire deployment you dread the doorbell because you never know if "green suits" will be at your door. But I'm not going to think that right now.

I'm just going to continue to believe he's extremely busy over there, awaiting their Transfer of Authority. Only after that is complete can he leave Iraq.

And now I'm off to teach my rockin' Saturday morning class. Here's hoping for a massive turnout as I could use the class's energy to boost my mood!

Later on we've got Bethany's very first ballet recital, which I'll post pictures of when we get home. This Momma is gonna be sooooo proud!!! (note to self: put some Kleenex in your purse! LOL)

I spoke too soon

2008-05-08T21:34:00.002-04:00

As I piddle the time away waiting for LOST to come on tonight (thank you to James for getting me addicted to that show!!!) I sit here thinking about everything I posted about earlier. And the more I think about it, the more the tears well up in my eyes. Why am I so sad? Why can't I feel more joy for my friends' reunions? Why do I feel so sorry for myself?

Well, as I think about it more and more and more (something I should not be doing, by the way) I realize that all these guys coming home now are drawing the same hazard duty pays that my husband is. Hazard duty pay is paid by the month, meaning if you are in a combat zone even one day out of the month, you get the full month of hazard pay. So these guys get the full month of May hazard pay. We're talking about $600 for the month. James will recieve the exact same pay, $600, but yet he has to endure an extra two weeks of combat to get exactly what these guys that are already home are getting. Doesn't seem fair, huh?

But the pay aside, in doing some soul-searching, I think what is tearing me up the most is that with every single minute that he is still over there he is in danger. I still worry that he could be taken from this life at any second. Yes, it's very true that it could just as easily happen here at home. When it's your time, it's your time. But dodging bullets and traveling suspiscious roads laden with IED's certainly seems to increase the danger, don't ya think?

So, no matter how close James is to coming home, every minute he stays in Iraq keeps me on edge. It keeps me fearful of the "what if's," It keeps me worried for his safety and wondering if a reunion is truly in our future. I can never be certain.

And yet my friends have had their reunions and for them that worry is over.

That's what I'm having a hard time dealing with.

I don't think James allows his head to 'go there' with all these thoughts the way I do. It's no good for him to let his mind think about all the injustices when there is a mission yet to be done. He focuses on what he's got to do and gets it done. That's why he's a great soldier. I admire his ability to suck it up and let it be. I wish I were more that way.

Switching topics slightly, as you read this would you please say a little prayer right now for PFC Kyle Little and SPC Blake Stephens who died in Iraq one year ago today. James was honored to know and lead these men and will probably wear the bracelet with their KIA information on it for the rest of his life. May Little and Stephens rest in peace and may their families be comforted on this sad anniversary in the knowledge that they were great soldiers and wonderful men.

I'm sorry this post, and the last one, have been such downers. Having this blog is an outlet for my emotions, and it helps to release what I'm feeling. You may not understand or relate to it, but knowing you all care enough to read is comforting. I know there are people out there who love us and want the best for us, too. Please keep James in your prayers. His family aches to have him home.

Back on track and feeling better

2008-05-08T15:46:00.003-04:00

Better is subjective, though, isn't it?

Am I feeling better than I was during my last post when I thought James might not be home until early June? YES. It looks like he will, in fact, return in May.

Am I feeling great? NO.

I see my friends' husbands returning and I'm bittersweet about it. I am so happy that Angela's husband returned last night. Ladies in my classes at the gym have been welcoming their husbands home over the last several days. My friend and battle buddy, Teresa, will pick her husband up at the airport tonight. I'm thrilled for them. They have waited for this day as long as I have. But at the same time I'm sad that I'll continue to wait.

But I know it's not indefinite, God-willing. There is an end in sight. And I know full well that I am not alone in this, however alone it may feel. James will not be alone on his flight coming home. He will be in the company of two or three hundred other heroes, which means all those other families are waiting as long as I am during these final days and weeks. It just feels like each day is an eternity, especially when you're so anxious that it be your soldier that arrives at the airfield that night instead of your neighbors' and friends'.

In other news, the girls are doing fine and finishing up the school year. They will be done on May 28th, though neither one is anxious for summer vacation. Bethany loves school and being around her friends so she's not looking forward to a break from them. Morgan also loves school but is very nervous about entering middle school in August. She'll be a 6th grader at our post's middle school. It is a uniform school which doesn't thrill her, either. I'm sure she'll manage just fine but in the meantime she's working herself into a frenzy over it.

The three of us gals went to Chattanooga, TN with Morgan's Girl Scout Troop this past weekend. We toured Rock City, a cave, and the TN aquarium. They panned for gemstones, too, which was a highlight for most of the girls. All those cookie sales helped fund their trip so it was for a good cause.

Bethany has been in a ballet/tap dance class this school year and will finish off the year this weekend with a performace on Saturday afternoon. How she loves to dance and how badly I wish James would be here to see this. I'll purchase the professional DVD that will be filmed for us so he'll be able to watch it once he comes home. Bethany will be in a gorgeous white, fluffy tutu dancing to "Going to the Chapel." She is thrilled about it. No doubt she'll want to re-join the dance class when it resumes in the fall.

I'm still teaching my class, 7/week at the gym, though I'm having to make some adjustments to my schedule. I've had such a hard time with plantar fascitis over the last few months (since September) and knee problems that have crept up since I began trying to run in January. The running had to be put on hold, which is killing me to have to do, for the last couple months as the knee was just too unstable and I was worried I would injure it so badly I'd have to quit teaching temporarily. The foot problem has had me seeing a podiatrist who has told me I need to teach with less intensity, or take a break from it altogether. After months of trying to do things my way, I finally see that the good doctor is right. I have to listen to him if I ever want to be 100% again. I won't ever get back to running until I get healed completely.

So, I've agreed to alter my class schedule a bit, to take out two of my step classes (high intensity/impact) and substitute those with two aqua aerobics classes (low-to-zero impact). I'm not giving up all my high impact classes--I'll still have 5 of those every week. I'm just switching two out right now to see if that break on Tues and Thurs will be what I need to get my feet feeling better again. I've never taught aqua before, though I have taken aqua classes many times. I've got a lot of homework to do to study up and formulate my class agendas before my first class on the 20th of this month. I'm excited and scared and anxious and nervous all at once.

That concludes this update. Hopefully I'll have more exciting news to report soon.

Love to you all!

Wish I knew, but I don't

2008-05-01T10:36:00.002-04:00

I was so looking forward to May 1st. As I went to bed last night I was psyched that this morning, May the 1st, I would FINALLY be able to say my husband would be home THIS MONTH!

Then I checked my email.

James sent me a message saying things are more up in the air with him than they had been. He no longer has any kind of estimate of when he'll be home, but I need to be prepared that he could get put on the trail flight, or worse, the "no joke" flight, which would be the last out of Kuwait.

That means early June, not mid May.

I know nothing is definite until he is on the plane, in the air, homeward bound. (BTW, I LOVE that movie!!!) I know that the end of a deployment can be as unsettling and emotionally exhausting as the beginning. I know that I should anticipate a roller coaster ride of emotions and accept that I can do nothing to change it so I might as well keep my chin up and continue 'soldiering on.'

And yet, that's easier said than done. When you've been without your partner, your lover, your best friend, for so long, all you want is to have them before you, able to reach out for their face, and feel them beside you, knowing the long separation has come to an end. Each day awaiting that reconnection is longer than the one before.

But I will endure. I will continue on. And if James is meant to be one of the last home then I'll accept it. After all, someone has to be on the last flight, right? Someone is always the first to go and someone has to be the last home. As long as he does come home that is all that should matter, right?

I need to remind myself of that over and over in the next few weeks whenever I feel myself slipping into a little pity-party. Other families only wish they would be so lucky as to see their soldier come home on the final flight.

Thank you to all of those who sacrificed it all. May you Rest in Peace and know that we are eternally grateful.

Sometimes I just want to SCREAM!!!

2008-04-11T22:32:00.004-04:00

I really do try hard not to complain about this deployment too much. I don't try to feel sorry for myself or pity our family for what we endure. James chose this profession and I chose to marry into it. I don't like to dwell on the negatives. I accept that James will need to deploy in order to fulfill his job and I also accept that whatever we go through is because that is what God has planned for us. I try hard to live by the belief that "what will be will be" and "everything happens for a reason."

Now, I'm not saying I'm the most positive person in the world. Far from it. But I do try to keep it all in perspective and not fall into the "woe is me" attitude.

But days like today just make me want to scream out loud with angst. I'm fed up to here (motions towards forehead) with some of the things I've heard and read from other wives and I just need to voice my anger.

There is a particular message board I belong to for other military wives. It is a great group of women whom I have posted with for several years now. A few of them I've met in person, but most of them I only know online. Anyway, a few months ago one wife mentioned her husband needed to make a choice about his future (whether to reenlist or not) and she had lots of reservations about it, mostly pertaining to the possibility he might have to deploy. If he did reenlist, she said they were looking at particular duty stations where he wouldn't have to deploy.

This is not an isolated event. Countless other wives I run into talk the same kind of garbage. They and their husbands are constantly looking for ways to keep from having to deploy.

Now, I'm not saying I'm irritated with the wives whose husbands have already gone to Iraq once or twice and are now looking for a stateside tour that will keep them from another deployment. Far from it. They've done their time. I don't begrudge them wanting to keep their husbands home for a while.

What I'm complaining about are the soldiers who haven't yet gone to Iraq and are still searching for ways around EVER having to go.

On this particular message board there were a couple posts made in the last day or two that really, really got under my skin. One wife was dreading her husband's first deployment, and he's been in the service nearly TEN years!!!! Another was from a wife whose husband is getting ready to go on his first deployment to Iraq (his second deployment ever, if I read that right) in his 20+ years of service.

And then there's another wife whose husband got back from Iraq a year ago, spent nearly a year apart at a school in TX, and now is going right back to Iraq.

What kills me is that certain people skirt around deployments and finagle their way through the system so they never have to leave precious U.S. soil. Hell yeah, I wish James never had to leave U.S. soil, either, but how fair is it to send my husband 3 times in less than 5 years, with a fourth Iraq tour already written on the calendar? And how fair to the wife from my message board whose husband is having to go back so soon after coming back and being in a school?

It seems like a fraction of the military gets called upon to line up in the dump zone, while another portion (I'll call them weasels) get out of it smelling like roses. It's unfair and I'm having a hissy fit over it.

When I read or hear things like this, about avoiding deployments any way possible, you might as well be screaming at the top of your lungs that your husband is better than mine, yours is TOO GOOD for Iraq while mine deserves to get sent repeatedly. If you're actively trying to avoid ever going to Iraq, you're leaving the dirty work to others and you don't deserve to wear the uniform.

So tonight I'm screaming inside while I wish, instead, that I could be screaming THAT at them.

And another one...

2008-04-09T19:35:00.001-04:00

...the news is always tragic no matter who, or what, or when, or where. It seems even more so when the guys are less than a month from leaving Iraq. May God watch over yet another Fort Benning soldier's family as they navigate the raw emotions of the grieving process.

And, again, I thank God for the Grace He has shown to James, his CSD platoon, our deployed friends (Mike and Kenny), the spouses of all the ladies I see daily in my classes, and the thousands of other troops anxious to return home to our arms.

Please say a prayer that no more tragedy comes to our precious troops.

Never get too Comfortable

2008-04-01T09:06:00.003-04:00

No, it was not an April Fool's joke and that's the sad part.

I woke this morning to find an email from our unit saying that our brigade had suffered a casualty during the night. This is the first loss we've had since last October. I suppose with our soldiers' redeployment so close we've all become a little too comfortable in that knowledge, as if nothing bad can touch them now that they're this close to home.

But for one family the knock on the door they received was not a terrible April Fool's joke. It was tragically real and sad and painful. My prayers are with that family. How heart-breaking it must be to be nearing the end of a horrible 14 month deployment, feeling energized that it is almost over, anticipating the reunion, to have those dreams ripped away from you.

The worst can happen at anytime so live each day as if it is your last, always aware that it very well could be. And have faith that God will see you through.

Book Recommendation

2008-03-29T21:00:00.002-04:00

For anyone not familiar with military life, or those who would like a deeper understanding of it, or those who live it and want to read a very interesting book that touches on so much of what we face, I have a recommendation for you. I just finished reading Under The Sabers: The Unwritten Code of Army Wives by Tanya Biank. It is the book that the Lifetime series Army Wives is based on. This book was written after the Fort Bragg murders back in 2004 in which several soldiers returning home from war murdered their wives. I found it a very interesting look at what our lives are like, and most of the time the book was right on the money. In fact, I don't think I've read anything before that so closely captured the understanding of who we are and what we face the way this book did.

I love the Lifetime show, and look forward to it returning with new episodes this summer, but I also find many liberties taken with the storyline. The book, however, didn't seem to take such liberties. It told our story very plainly and without embellishment or exaggeration.

If you do read the book, or have already read it, leave me a note and let me know what your thoughts were. I'm interested to hear others' comments on the story as well as the TV show.

Five years ago tonight...

2008-03-19T21:21:00.003-04:00

...I laid in bed, tears silently and slowly trickling down my face, as I listened to our President announce that he had already ordered our bombers to begin striking targets in Iraq. Operation Iraqi Freedom had begun.

Thousands of miles away, James was crossing the berm from Kuwait into Iraq. I can only imagine what must have been going through each of those soldiers' minds. They were no longer at NTC, they were not in the field, they were crossing enemy territory entering a war. They did not know what lay before them, but proceeded to do as their training instructed them, all the while forging ahead towards Baghdad.

James has many stories he shares of those days and weeks that led to an almost 8 month deployment on that initial invasion. He has many more stories that he talks of only around his fellow soldiers that were there with him. And I'm sure he has some stories that stay locked inside. The horrors of war.

Tonight the media officially says it is the five year anniversary of OIF. To hear James talk of it, though, he doesn't believe OIF1 should be considered the same thing as the invasion. He feels he, his men, and his unit were the Iraq Invasion, whereas the units that relieved him months later began the first OIF. Since then he has seen time in Iraq for OIF3 and now OIF5. The guys from his unit that have done all three (the invasion, OIF3, OIF5) have taken to adding a decimal to the end of their OIF number to symbolize how many deployments this makes for the unit. For exmple, this being James' and 3rd ID's thrid deployment to Iraq, they designate this deployment as OIF5.3.

How I dread to think that before too long he'll be going for OIF7.4. That does not have a nice ring to it at all.

In happier news, though, we're in the homestretch (or so it seems) to this deployment. Little by little we've gotten through it and the end is in sight. I can't say for sure when but before summer he'll be home!

As I remember this night, five years before, I thank God that He has watched over James during every single day, watched over us, and been the strength for all of us to make it through.

And I pray that the next five years brings James more time at home than our country has allowed him during the previous five. As proud and happy as he is to serve, sometimes it would be nice to tell Uncle Sam, "Not now, my family comes first for once."

Well, I sure don't post much, do I?

2008-02-29T15:49:00.006-05:00

I've taken quite a hiatus lately, haven't I? I can't believe how time slips away. Some days that's a very good thing, other days it seems a pity.

Ever since James deployed my goal has been to stay busy, the busier the better. "Stay busy" is my mantra to other wives with deployed spouses. It helps the time pass quicker until our husbands return. I've always tried to do this, from James' first deployment back in 1996 when I was on my own in TX before we had children. I took various courses at the local college in addition to working overtime at my job. It was what I needed to do to keep from feeling the loneliness too deeply.

And ever since I've held onto that same philosophy. The busier you are, the sooner the deployment will be over.

However, I'm not so sure that's always the best thing. Isn't life already too short? Aren't we missing out on so much by zooming through the days? I see time flying by in the rush of ballet lessons, scouting events, swimming lessons, weekend sleepovers with friends, my work, etc. It seems as if the time is passing too quickly. I'm missing out on the joys of just "being" rather than always "doing."

And yet, when I realize that nearly a year has passed since James deployed, and only 2 1/2 months or thereabouts until he returns, how can I curse the fact that time has flown? Yes, another year of watching our babies grow has passed all too quickly and they're one year closer to leaving the nest. But at the same time they are nearing the end of this long deployment and anxious to wrap their arms around their Daddy again. So I can't really say that time flying by is a horrible thing after all.

It just is what it is.

And yes, you did hear right. Only about 2 1/2 months remain until James should be home. Of course everything can change on a dime but that's what we're looking towards now. And boy, oh boy, are we ever looking forward to it.

Some of you may remember that James and I took a cruise together for our 10th anniversary a few years ago. The girls stayed with my parents for the week and James and I enjoyed a wonderful vacation together--the only one we've ever had without kids since our honeymoon. Well, we've booked another cruise but this time we'll have two pretty, little girls accompanying us to celebrate our 14th anniversary as a family. We're so excited for this! The girls talk about little else but getting on that ship, swimming in the beaches, seeing dolphins, and everything else they've ever imagined a cruise to be. We feel so blessed that we are able to indulge in this time to reconnect as a family and shut the rest of the world out.

So from now until his return I suppose the girls and I continue to do what we've been doing....taking one day at a time. Every day we get to wake up and feel the sunshine on our faces and the breath in our body we should be grateful for and make each moment last. There's no sense in trying to make the days end quickly. It may seem like it when you're waiting for a special someone to return home, but in the end all that's ended quickly is the time you get to spend with your family that day. You never know when your days are going to run out so make the most of every single one. This should be my new mantra, shouldn't it?

And as long as this post has worked its way around to making each moment count, I feel I should share something about one of my faithful ladies at the gym. This woman is in her midlife years and is the most dedicated and faithful person I think I've ever met. She's very determined and inspiring to others. Early on as I was getting to know her I casually asked "How are you?" as a greeting. I was surprised by her response, "I'm blessed, thank you." I was taken aback at first because that's not the usual answer someone gives. Usually they say "Fine" and go about their way. Not Ms. Felicia. I've listened to her since then and she always answers people the same way, and truly, genuinely means it. She absolutely feels blessed to be alive each and every day and feels a deep commitment to maintaining the body God gave to her. She's astounding and has been a great inspiration to the participants in my classes. We all love her, even when her comment about our husbands wanting to come home to the "apple of their eye, not someone who looks like an apple pie" left some stunned. She's a hoot and someone we should all take a lesson in life's blessings from.

Until next time....

Six years ago

2008-02-07T09:11:00.000-05:00

Six years ago today my precious baby Bethany was born into this world. It truly feels like only a short time has passed since then, but seeing how big she's becoming tells me otherwise. Everyone always tells you how quickly the time will pass and you don't quite "get" that until you see it happening to you, right before your eyes. Time doesn't stop or slow for anyone, and my six year old baby is proof enough of that for me.

It's quite a great story to tell about the days leading up to her birth. James had been in Kosovo since October on a six month deployment. While he was deployed, Morgan and I moved to my parents' house so I wouldn't be alone during the pregnancy and birth. Bethany was due on February 3rd. James and I arranged a flight for him to come home around that timeframe but it was a mess for him in trying to get out of Kosovo. We weren't allowed to book flights out of there. We had to book him a flight out of Germany to the States. Getting from Kosovo to Germany was all on him and he promised he'd do his best to make that plane at Germany. But he was at the mercy of the Army in making it out of Kosovo. He had to smooth talk his way onto various helicopter flights and bus rides, etc. I don't even think this would be "legal" nowadays but at the time he was told to do what he had to do to get out of Kosovo and not tell his superiors about it because if they knew they would forbid him to go.

So he worked some magic and arranged this ride and that flight and had things worked out so that he'd make it to Germany in time for the flight we'd booked him on, but Mother Nature had other plans. He hadn't counted on fog so thick the helicopters couldn't fly. So, needless to say, he ran into delays that we hadn't anticipated.

All the while Bethany's due date approaches and passes, and my doctor decides we'll induce on the 7th.

James' original flight from Germany to St Louis was to arrive on the 5th. However the weather conditions made it clear there was no way he'd make it on that flight. I called the airline to request they move him to a flight the next day and they took pity on our situation and changed his flight by one day but warned that if he couldn't make that flight there was nothing more they could do and we'd be out the $500 ticket we'd bought.

During all this James was sending me email updates whenever he happened to be somewhere along the way long enough to contact me, and give me an update on where he was and what the weather was bringing. I've saved all those emails to show Bethany someday just how hard her Daddy worked to try to make it home for her birth.

Miraculously, he did make that rescheduled flight which had him arriving at the St Louis airport around 10 pm on Feb. 6th. We were scheduled to be at the hospital 7 hours later, at 5 am on the 7th to begin the induction. Bethany's Daddy made it home with only 7 hours to spare.

This precious girl of mine, I couldn't love her more if I tried. She is everything I could ever want and so very much more. She's a reminder of my childhood, a dream of what will be, a sprinkle of sunshine into every single day, a princess in the making, a hug always waiting. Bethany brings joy to our hearts in ways that are only dreamed about.

Thank you, God, for every breath you've given us with Bethany. It is an honor to hear her call us "Momma" and "Daddy."

Moving forward

2008-01-19T13:45:00.000-05:00

Wow. It's been WAY too long since I last posted. Happy New Year to everyone.

Once the girls and I arrived home from spending the holiday's at my parents' I got down to the business of keeping those resolutions I set for myself. Nineteen days into the New Year I can report....

...I have remained sugar-free for all but one of those days. I had a little slip up the last night at my parents' house and had one bowl of ice cream and some cookies. Other than that it has been good news the whole way. And I'm thrilled that I took this step. Conquering those sugar cravings was a battle I had to face and I've done myself proud. I don't crave sweets like I had. Truthfully, the first few days are the hardest as the sugar is coming out of your system. After that your body doesn't crave it like it used to. However, if I were to indulge in something sweet now, my body would want more and more of it. I'm no fool. Sugar, in me, acts like a drug. Sad, but true. For those that haven't ever had a problem with this, no amount of explaining it will help you understand it better. For those who know what I'm talking about, no other explanation is needed.

...I have increased my cardio time (more on that below) and also my ab time. I've added an ab workout at the end of two of my step classes each week which has forced me to do more abs that I was previously doing. I intended to do more abs on my own at home, too, throughout the week but I haven't been as good at that yet. That's my goal for this coming week.

...I began training myself for that marathon as soon as we got home. I'm using the treadmill at the gym now rather than running outside. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Either before or after my classes at the gym I'll hop on the treadmill and knock out half an hour or so of wogging (combination walking/jogging). I'm gradually decreasing the time I spend walking while increasing the jogging time, until I can get to where I don't need to walk anymore. This coming week it will be 15 min jog/5 min walk/repeat, for a 40 min workout. I aim to do this three to four days a week, depending on how wiped out I get with teaching my classes, too. I'm working on finding the right balance so I don't end up over-training and burning out, or worse, injuring myself.

In other news, Morgan made the 100 mile club at her school this past week! She's the first girl in her school ever to make the 100 mile mark. Now she'll have her name on the plaque along with the handful of boys that have come before her in previous years.

Bethany has a birthday coming up and it's shocking to me to see that my baby is nearly 6! Where did the time go? Oh yeah, it's been spent with four major deployments over the course of six years. I'd count up the number of months James has actually been with Bethy since her birth but it would be far outnumbered by the months he's been away from her. That's the life we lead.

I just had a 2nd Lasik surgery this week. Back in September I had my first Lasik surgery on both eyes, taking me from approximately 20/400+ down to 20/20 in my left and 20/25 or so in my right. After waiting a few months to see if the right eye would improve my eye surgeon decided an "enhancement" would be a good idea to get that right eye where we'd like it. It had just been under-corrected before. So this past week I went back in and had my right eye touched up. It's a really odd feeling having your eye propped open and seeing these instruments and lasers coming down at you and you can not turn away or blink at all. You see this stuff happening and every instinct is to blink but there's a spring holding your eye open and so you can't blink. Instead you're looking straight at everything they are poking and prodding your eye with and praying the surgeon's skills will pull you through.

And as of yesterday morning at my post-op check his skills did pull me through. Now my right eye is seeing 20/15, so "fighter pilot" vision for me, as the surgeon called it. I had been very hesitant to have this surgery, concerned about the cost and possible outcomes. However, I have to say that I've been very pleased with my results and the difference it has made in my life. Night vision is still a problem for me but I'm hopeful that night driving glasses will be an option and help with that difficulty. All in all, though, if I had to do it again I would.

Lastly, a bit of good news from James. It sounds as if his expected 15 month deployment may be shortened ever so slightly and he could be home a couple weeks earlier than we'd thought. I know, I know, two weeks difference doesn't sound like a lot but we'll take ever little bit we can get. Especially knowing that he'll only have between 12-15 months at home before Uncle Sam will be sending him again.

I repeat, such is the life we lead. The only thing you can do is keep moving forward.

Resolutions for 2008!

2007-12-30T12:41:00.000-05:00

It's time to welcome in a New Year and with that comes the inevitable resolutions that everyone seems to make. Some take root, some fizzle out, some are repeated year after year. I've given a L-O-T of thought over the last several weeks as to what I plan to resolve to do or not do this coming year and figured the best way to commit myself to keeping these resolutions was to put it in writing, tell everyone that cares to hear what my intentions are, and be accountable to those people as well as myself.

So here you all have it, my New Year's Resolutions for 2008!

1) I intend to eliminate sugar from my diet with the exception of special occasions. Anyone who knows me knows that my sweet tooth is undeniable and overused. I have a love-hate relationship with them in that I love them, but my hips, glutes, and thighs do not. So I've decided it is best to eliminate refined sugar from my diet to become more satisfied with myself and end this love-hate cycle. In order to break my cravings for sweets I intend to avoid all refined sugar whatsoever during the entire month of January. My hope is that after a month of nothing sweet I will have lost the desire for sweets therefore not feeling any "need" to indulge other than a very rare treat, like for Bethy's birthday in February, or something extra special like that. This is a big commitment for me so I want you all to keep me accountable. Don't be afraid to check up on me and keep me honest, OK?

2) I intend to increase my cardio and ab workout time. With my teaching schedule I do get in about 9 hours of cardio a week but sometimes I don't get to focus on my cardio as much as I'd like because I'm busy focusing on other people's form and going around the room making corrections or whatever that interrupts my workout. And that's fine. That's what I'm paid to do. So I need to change my mentality and quit thinking that teaching class is my personal workout time, because it's not. If I weren't teaching I would be working out at a higher intensity, but in order to teach I have to be able to talk and if I can talk through a workout then I'm not working the cardio hard enough for as much of a personal benefit as I need to. So I need to devote time in my schedule after or before class to my personal workout which will increase my cardio. In addition, I plan to incorporate more ab time to two of my classes each week, and during the rest of the week I plan to do more ab work on my own at home. Getting back to the cardio and making time on my own to add that in leads me to my third resolution.

3) I will begin training for, and will run in, the January 2009 Disney World Marathon. James and I have both been talking about this recently and have decided this is a huge deal for us both, something each of us feel strongly that we'd like to do. James has always been a runner, but I have never so this is all foreign territory to me, but something I'm determined to accomplish. James is going to begin training himself while still in Iraq, and continue his training when he comes home, to compete in the full marathon, some 26 miles. I, on the other hand, being such a novice, plan to train myself for the half marathon, a little over 13 miles. This way James will be able to be with the girls while I run the half on one day, and then we'll swap places so he can run the full the next day. It'll work out perfectly, logistically. Now I just need to commit myself fully to the training and figure a way to work the needed runs into my schedule, without overtraining myself with the teaching I already do. I'm sure it will be a matter of finding the right balance so I don't injure myself, or suffer burnout or exhaustion, but I'm confident that my desire to achieve this will carry me through. I don't know when I've been quite so excited for anything in a very long time. And I don't know when something that is so foreign to me hasn't scared me away entirely, but this hasn't. Maybe it has to do with our love of all things Disney. Maybe it has to do with my desire to be a running partner with James. Maybe it has to do with all the sweets I've eaten way too many of and need to burn off. Maybe it has to do with proving to myself that that which does not kill me will make me stronger. Maybe it has to do with trying and succeeding at something most people will never even consider.

Whatever the reason, I tell you now, God-willing, I will make this happen. I can not wait!

Happy New Year! May 2008 be a wonderful, blessed year for you and your entire family!
Kris

Finally, please take a moment to pray for a tiny, young family member of mine named Rachel who is in desperate need of your prayers and God's Healing to help her little body. Thank you.

I've said it before...

2007-12-20T11:36:00.000-05:00

....and I'll say it again. Everything truly does happen for a reason. Even getting sick.

I've been stressing the past week or so, wondering how I was going to get everything accomplished that I needed to in order to have us ready to head to my parents' for Christmas. In addition to all the packing, I still had Christmas gifts to buy and wrap, goodies to make for the umpteen teachers my kids have, school activities, my job, and a gazillion other things going on. I mentioned in another post that God was giving me some help with Morgan doing some wrapping for me, so that was a load off. I guess He decided that wasn't enough help so He was going to give me a sick child to ease the load a little more.

How does having a sick child (Bethany) help ease the load? I mean, tending to a feverish little girl, wiping runny noses, administering medicines, taking her to the doctor...how exactly does that ease my work load?

Well, having her sick meant I had to cancel my aerobics classes for yesterday and today. It about killed me to have to cancel them because I am, by nature, a people-pleaser and can't stand the thought of anyone upset with me. I picture all those ladies going to the gym only to find out that my class is cancelled and then walking out furious over the unplanned absence. But life happens and the ladies who know me know this isn't something I have ever done before. Cancelling class is a HUGE deal for me, something I would only do if it is absolutely necessary.

Anyway, by cancelling the classes and staying home with Bethany I was able to accomplish so much in the house that I needed to do but was afraid I wouldn't get done. My baking is done. My packing is nearly finished. All but a few presents have been wrapped. Things have come together nicely, and only by the grace of God and my sick child. Had this spontaneous sickness not happened I fear I would still be panicking about not having enough hours in the day to get it all done.

And yet here I am, feeling more in control, relaxing a bit, beginning to feel the excitement of Christmas rather than the pressure and stress of a time crunch closing in on me.

Thank goodness for (sick) little girls!

Ramblings

2007-12-15T19:41:00.000-05:00

I don't really have much of a theme for today's post....just some ramblings about what has been going on with us since the last time I posted.

I'm still feeling that "pressure crunch" and not taking my own advice very well. I suppose it's just this time of year with all that I have yet to accomplish. I was able to finish up my Christmas cards today so that is one less item on my "to do" list. I still have so much yet to accomplish before next Saturday. So much....

The girls are having a blast playing with some friends tonight. Some might call me crazy for allowing them to have another slumber party full of girls and giggles and drama, but they play so well with their friends that it's hard not to indulge them. For the first time ever Bethany was allowed to invite a friend to sleep over. Usually it is Morgan's friends that come over and Bethy tags along with whatever they do. But for tonight I allowed Bethany to invite a classmate who is also the little sister of one of Morgan's classmates. So those two siblings came over, along with a couple other friends Morgan's age. Altogether, including my two babes, I have six girls in the house. It, surprisingly, calms and settles me a bit having all these girls in the house. They entertain themselves, play happily, and their laughter is music to my ears. Right now we have the two smaller ones playing princess dress-up, and the older ones watching "The Secret Garden" and putting together Lincoln Logs. Call me crazy, but it works!

I'm finally starting to feel better after battling foot pain for many months now. I saw a podiatrist recently who has started me on a treatment plan and it appears to be helping. True, I should cut back on the high-impact teaching I do, but for now the doctor's plan is helping without me giving up or changing the way I teach currently, so that's good news.

Speaking of teaching, I tried something pretty new yesterday. After I finished teaching my class a friend and I hopped on some spin bikes so she could talk me through a quick spin workout since I've always been curious about it. She's not an instructor, just a student in my circuit class, but she attends another instructor's spin classes often, whereas I know nothing about spinning. So Shellie got me set to "ride" and away we went. I'm telling you, that was NO JOKE!! I can teach a two hour circuit class, I can push my step class students to the max, I can smoke active duty soldiers, but spinning SMOKED ME! Holy cow, that was some serious sweating, and I only stayed on the bike for 20 minutes!!!! I sound like a wuss, I know, but in my defense I had already taught my class for 2 hours, so I didn't have 100% to give to the bike. Regardless, I know even at 100% that bike would've gotten the best of me. For those of you that love spinning (Melissa B.) I admire you to the hilt!

On another note, a couple days ago I was emailing James my schedule for the next week and complaining about how I just don't know where I'll find the time to do all that I need to do. I asked him to pray for me to make it through and to get some kind of relief somewhere. Do you know what? God answered that prayer in the form of my Morgan. The very next day I asked her if she'd like to wrap a couple presents, just to keep her busy. She gladly did! I fretted for a moment that the presents were not wrapped smoothly or precisely, and then I let go of that strive for perfection. I realized God was sending me the help I asked for and I was going to accept it. Morgan wrapped about 15 presents for me (none for herself!) before tiring of it for the day. She's offered to wrap more again and I do believe I will take her up on that. Who cares if it is perfect or not? Her Nana and Papa won't be judging the outside of the package but loving the heartfelt gift that is on the inside. And I'm loving that wrapping presents has become one less burden on me this year. Thank you God and Morgan!

Lastly, I'd like to say how wonderful surprises are, and how they truly can make our day. Today I had a face show up on my doorstep which I hadn't seen in months. My former neighbor, and friend, Angela's, husband is home on R&R. He was dropping off his son at a house across the street from ours and decided to stop by to say "hello!" They are the sweetest family with dear children who we miss having next door to us. Mike has been deployed to Iraq as long as James has, and has seen some pretty rough stuff over there. I was thrilled to see him back and know that he is enjoying his time with his family, especially at this wonderful time of year. He's just one of so many soldiers who sacrifice everything they hold dear so we can continue to enjoy all that we hold dear here at home. Thank you, Mike, for what you do, and thank you for stopping by to say "hi." I'm happy to see a hero home, if only for a short time. I'll be happier still to see them all home next summer.

And another story about wonderful surprises...the other day my phone rang at 7:30 in the morning. That never happens. Ever. My first thought was it was bad news from Iraq. Then I saw it was my Mom on caller id and then my heart started pounding thinking it was bad news in the family because my Mom is NEVER awake that early in the morning. I answered the phone, fearing the worst. Mom just laughed off my paranoia and said she'd gone to bed early the night before and was awake and had energy that morning and just wanted to call and....get this...tell me she loved me. AAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!! She said her children are always on her mind and she hopes we know that, and she wanted to take the time to tell me that when she knew I'd be at home and able to hear her say those words. Bless her heart. Of course I know my Mom loves me. I never doubt that. But it sure feels good to hear it, too. Thanks, Mom. I was smiling about that all the day long.

So, there's my post, full of everything and nothing all wrapped up in one. In case I don't post again before Christmas, you all have a wonderful day filled with all the laughter, love and happiness that the season encourages us to share. Be good to yourself, and then pass it on.

Peace and love!
Kris

PRESSURE!!!!!!

2007-11-30T12:33:00.000-05:00

Why do we do it to ourselves? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves, all the time, for every little thing? We push ourselves to be better, stronger, faster, cooler, braver, thinner, prettier, EVERYTHING! It is insane to think we can ever achieve all that we push ourselves to be, so why do we keep trying?

For example, most of you probably know that my weight has always been a struggle for me. I've managed to lose quite a lot over the last few years, and have kept most of it off. I have, however, let a few pounds creep back on, the result of James returning home and eating out, and also my lack of self-discipline at times. Despite the fact that I am in better shape than I've ever in my life been, and the fact that I can smoke guys at the gym who take my classes, I still zero in on the parts of me that I am unhappy with. I put so much PRESSURE on myself to look a certain way, an unattainable goal, that in the end I become so discouraged that I can't "get there" that I altogether give up what I was trying to accomplish.

Or, another example, in trying to be the best and falling short...I try to join Morgan during her recess time at school a few days a week to walk or run the track with her. Her P.E. teacher keeps a tally of how many laps the kids (and parents, too) do and encourages them to do their best. She has cute little shoelace charms they can earn to mark their 25th mile, 50th mile, and the 100 mile mark. Morgan is aiming for the 100 mile mark as that honor also earns her name on a plaque at school. Her goal is to be the first female to have her name on the plaque. Great goal and one I'm fully supportive of.

Anyway, I had told her that I'd join her today to walk at 11:50. However, I got hung up at the commissary (ever been on a payday? INSANE!) with lines as long as we find at Disney World! lol I was berating myself as I waited in line for taking so long reading nutritional labels. Why did I have to poke around in there so long and now I was running late to meet Morgan at school? Then I was rushing to get checked out as quick as humanly possible so I could still make it for the last 5 minutes of her recess. The traffic lights had other plans for me. I'm fuming at the red lights and the slow drivers. Don't they know I have to get to the school to meet my girl?! Come on people, don't you feel the same pressure I do?

I arrive at the school only to see her class heading in from recess as I pulled up. I was able to get Morgan's attention and tell her how sorry I was. She wasn't upset at all. In fact, a friend of hers had joined her and they'd done laps together, without me.

I felt so much better having gone down there to see her in person, to let her know I didn't forget her. I had been worried that she would think I'd just "forgotten" about her. Again, the pressure to be perfect....the perfect mother, another unattainable standard we aspire to.

Why don't we just let life happen and stop worrying about one-upping someone else, or looking a certain way, or doing everything perfectly? Why the need for perfection?

I see a little perfectionist budding in Morgan and for her sake I have got to do a better. I have to be more mindful of what I say about myself in her presence. In fact, after hearing her say something unkind about herself yesterday, I encouraged her to find some positive things to say about herself to counter the negative comment. Then Bethany and I also got into the mix saying happy, positive things about Morgan and each other and praising all the good we have in us.

That little activity really put a smile back on Morgan's face and reminded me that we should all focus much more on the good and let go of the bad. Sure, I have trouble spots on my body that I wish I didn't have. But I also have very strong lungs, a healthy heart, good teeth, pretty eyes, compassion for others, and arms that love to share hugs. Those are the things I should notice when I look in a mirror, and that is the lesson I need to make sure I teach my daughters.

So starting now I am determined to let go of the pressure to be perfect and embracing who I am and trying to be the most authentic "me" I can be. If that betters me in the process, that is wonderful. Teaching my girls to love themselves for who they are and all their wonderful qualities, that is the goal.

It was a Happy Thanksgiving after all

2007-11-22T19:33:00.000-05:00

No matter how many holidays and special occasions are spent apart I never seem to get used to James' absence on those such days. Today was another one of the many holidays we've spent apart, so many so that we've long since quit counting how many he's missed. Sadly, it's probably easier to count the occasions he's been home for since that number would be smaller.

But I digress....

I woke this morning in a somewhat lousy mood. The day just had that feel to it, that feeling of something not quite right, but nothing really wrong. I just didn't look forward to today. Had James been here we would've had a big meal to fix full of some of his favorites, including the sweet potato casserole that he used to turn up his nose to but has since grown to love, making him an honorary Unland after all! With him not home I didn't feel in the spirit to go all out.

A friend of mine, whose husband is also deployed, came over to my house and we fixed a meal together for our children. It was a relaxing day and much better spent with friends that alone. For that I am thankful. I'm so glad I have a battle buddy to help me through this deployment. Teresa has been a lifesaver for me. She was my battle buddy in 2005 when her husband and James were deployed together, and she's here for me now, too. She's my outlet for venting on anything and everything. She's my children's babysitter, God Bless Her, nearly every Saturday morning so I can teach my class. She's my friend with whom I can share some adult conversation when I need a break from children's talk. She's my wake up call when I need someone to tell it to me straight. She's my friend and that's all there is to it.

So tonight I give thanks to God for so many blessings. I thank Him for the love I have in my family. I thank Him for continuing to send His angels to watch over James. I thank Him for all the amazing blessings He has given me~~my home, my possessions, my health, my life.

And I thank Him for the friends that see me through the good and bad times. We all need 'em, and I thank God that He saw to it to give me a good one.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

Obsessed or Just in Love?

2007-11-18T18:56:00.000-05:00

What does this say about me as a mother? Am I obsessed with my girls or just a mother in love with being a mother? You tell me....

Yesterday was a Mom's Day Out here on post. Our post childcare facility opens up once a month for a day of free childcare for spouses of deployed soldiers. I've taken my girls to the Mom's Night Out service before so I could have dinner out with friends, but I've never utilized the Day Out program. I decided to give it a try this month so I could get some Christmas shopping done without little eyes nearby.

I dropped the girls off at 9 am and then went off to the gym to teach my 9:30 class. I was finished and home by 11am. I cleaned up with a shower, ate a quick bite, and then was off for my shopping by noon or a few minutes after.

I immediately had second thoughts about going out by myself. A part of me wanted to go pick up Morgan and take her out with me, just the two of us, so she could have some alone time with me. But then I wouldn't be able to buy any of her gifts with her around. I figured I'd just go on alone and do what needed done.

I was able to make a good dent in my shopping list and to be truthful the shopping does go much quicker and easier when you're not fumbling with seat belting kids in and out, holding hands crossing the parking lot, fidgeting with all the knick-knacks little hands tend to grab, and trying to steer the kids away from the toy aisle after they've spent too long there already. It truly is exhausting shopping with both kids in tow. So why did I miss them so much?

I can't really explain it but the whole day I just wanted to hurry up and get back to them. I wasn't worried about them being at the childcare facility. That wasn't it. I knew they were having a great time. It was just me. I wanted to be near them. I just like them so much. Isn't that something? Of course we all love our kids. We love them with our whole hearts. We love them so much it hurts. But how wonderful is it to be able to say we actually like them, too?

I love you girls, Morgan and Bethany. And what's more, I really, really like you, too. I like who you are and I like being near you and I like being your Momma.

I really like what that says about us.

A giggle to share

2007-11-15T08:49:00.000-05:00

I'm at a loss for something really inspirational to write about today. I've sat at the computer for a while now trying to think of what topic to bring up this morning and I just can't come up with anything that suits my mood or my emotions. I guess that says I'm on a pretty even keel today, doesn't it? When there's no news that must be good news, eh?

So, for lack of anything more profound to talk about, I'll share a little funny story about Bethany since she hasn't made much of an appearance in my blog yet. I've shared this story with my parents and James, so if you three are reading this, enjoy the repeat chuckle.

Just a smidgen of background info: My Dad is quite the builder. Those of you that don't know him need to know this info for the story to make sense. Dad builds everything you can imagine from toy boxes for the kids to a gazebo in my parents' backyard to a sunroom addition to their home. It goes without saying that he's got a L-O-T of tools. 'Nuff said.

A few weeks ago the girls and I were eating dinner at the table and for some reason the converstation turned to fire and what to do if a fire starts in our home. It might've been fire prevention week at school, I don't really know. But anyway, I started quizzing the girls on what they would do if a fire were in our home, checking to see if they knew how to escape the house and not to diddle-dally around, just get out! I'm trying to be very thorough and matter-of-fact, covering all my bases with them, very business-like at the table. Morgan handles the questions pretty well. Then it's onto Bethy....

She does fairly well with the easy questions, like going out the front door if the fire were in the back of the house, or going out the back if the fire were in front. But then I ask her what she would do if the fire were at the front of the house and she couldn't get the back door to open. She says she would break a window. I asked her how she'd break the window to free herself. She said she'd have to go get a hammer. I ask her where she'll find the hammer if the fire is in the front of the house and we keep the hammer/nails/tools/etc in a closet in the front. She said, "I'd go to Papa's to get a hammer."

??????

That's my Bethy. Without even meaning to she can make me giggle and smile. She just plain makes my heart happy.

Just what I needed to wake up to this morning!

2007-11-11T12:26:00.000-05:00

The first thing I do every morning, the thing that gets me out of bed and moving, the one thing (other than kids) that has turned me into a morning bird rather than the night owl I've always been, is check for email from James. This morning was no different than every other morning in that I hopped right out of bed and checked to see if he'd written to me while I slept. Hooray! There were two emails from him, one a birthday e-card, and the other what you will see below. I have no idea if this is his original work or if he "borrowed" it from somewhere else, and I really don't care. The words were beautiful and absolutely the reminder I needed that these fine lines on my face should matter not. The years don't matter. It is what we have done with those years that mean the most. Here is my treasured morning email...from my favorite soldier...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Instead of counting candles,
Or tallying the years,
Contemplate your blessings,
As your birthday nears.
Consider special people
Who love you, and who care,
And others who’ve enriched your life
Just by being there.
Think about the memories
Passing years can never mar,
Experiences great and small
That have made you who you are.
Another year is a happy gift,
So cut your cake, and say,
"Instead of counting birthdays,
I count blessings every day!"

I would like to include a couple more phrases that I love, special gems that should remind us that it isn't about the end result, it is all about the journey....

"It isn't the number of breaths you take, but the number of moments that take your breath away."

"When your hourglass runs out of sand you can't flip it over and start again."

"These small hours, these little wonders, these twists and turns of fate. Time fades away, but these small hours still remain."

And I'll leave this post today praying that God blesses me with a 33rd year filled with all the joys He wishes me to have, and all the happiness and love that I feel at this moment, and a 34th birthday next year with my best friend, my husband, at my side.

Be safe and be strong

2007-11-10T19:56:00.000-05:00

Tonight I'm feeling a bit blue and missing my James. It's not easy to feel close to your spouse when you are thousands of miles apart, but up until recently the internet had kept us reasonably in touch. We'd email as often as we could and on lucky days we'd get to IM with each other. Those days may be gone.

James told me the other day that internet access is now being severly limited to the soldiers. It sounds as if our ability to IM each other is gone completely. Now we return to simply emailing when we can. We'd grown used to an almost daily, if possible, IM chat with each other. To return to emails alone seems like a step back into the dark ages for us.

Maybe it's the instant gratification that our society has come to depend on so heavily. Maybe it's just two souls who yearn to reach out for each other in the best way that our technology will allow. Either way, I feel that taking away our ability to IM with each other has taken the wind out of my sails. It's slapped me back into the harsh reality of what this war truly extracts from us.

It is not "just war." It's not some story for the news to cover in hopes of stirring the upcoming election pot. I wish others understood that. I wish they could feel the war the way those of us in the silent ranks feel this war. It's about more than just guns, firefights, KIA's, IED's, and so on. For the ones who wait back home this war affects every single aspect of our lives, from the moment our eyes open in the morning until they close at night. And even then, our dreams sometimes touch on what this war has taken from us.

Every soldier over there has a story. Everyone has a loved one of some sort longing for them to come home. Every soldier aches for American soil again. And every spouse back home hangs onto each last conversation, whether by phone, letter, or IM, wondering if it will be the last time you'll ever speak with your love.

How I wish I could hear the "ding" of my messenger telling me my sweetie is online. But tonight, and for many, many long nights to come, I know that sound will not arrive. And with the silence comes the sadness and loneliness that millions of others share with me tonight. May all our soldiers rest well tonight and see the sun rise tomorrow, and walk with God and His angels in the Hell that is Iraq.

Spring forward, fall back

2007-11-03T18:12:00.000-04:00

What better day to reminisce about times gone by that on this beautiful autumn day when the brisk morning and refreshingly pleasant afternoon make me want to jump right into a leaf pile along with my children! As I remind myself to turn the clocks back tonight, a sure sign that another year has passed, I find myself reflecting on all the years that have disappeared since I became a Mother.

How truly fast time does fly. You never know it until you suddenly realize one day that your baby is no longer a baby. This picture of Morgan was taken right after she turned two, in my parent's yard in St. Louis. It seems like only yesterday that I was raking up the leaf pile for Morgan and watching her drown in the sea of autumn crunchiness.

Somehow, nearly overnight, she has grown, matured, and sprouted wings. Tonight she is at a sleepover with a friend, not her first and surely not her last by any means. Yet it seems like just days ago she was the little toddler in this picture, too young to dream of sleeping away from home, but old enough to have already supplied her parents with a lifetime of joy. I miss you, my sweet baby girl, and yet I love your independence. You were wonderful then and you are your best ever now.

Enjoy the fall, but never fall back, keep springing forward with all your might.

DARE to be awesome!

2007-11-02T19:47:00.000-04:00

Alright, so it didn't turn out the be my next post, but here's the story of Morgan and her latest accomplishment.

Morgan is our amazing, little fifth grader. I say amazing in that she truly astounds us every day with her knowledge and skills. This girl is more than just bright, she's brilliant. This is not just a proud Momma talking, though I am that, too. This girl is really, truly gifted academically and we love to be amazed at all she knows and does.

This past Wednesday I attended her DARE (Drug Alcohol Resistance Education) graduation. Part of the fifth graders' requirements for the class was to write an essay on what they learned from DARE. Three winners would be selected, a first, second, and third place winner. Morgan wrote her essay and turned it in a few weeks ago. She had composed a poem to go with the essay and gave it her best effort. Earlier in the day she had told me how much she'd like to win but didn't think her essay was worthy of a prize as she'd written it as if it was the end of the school year, when the DARE graduation is typically held. She hadn't known when she wrote the essay that the graduation would be moved up many months. So she felt her essay had no chance of winning since it would sound out of place to be writing about the end of the school year, etc.

Long story shortened, her essay was the first place winner! She was thrilled and stunned and said she was shaking all over as she recited it to the crowd from the stage. I couldn't tell a bit that she was nervous but she said her whole body trembled.

I'm so proud of this little girl and think in wonder sometimes about what she might someday become. There's no limit to her potential, as is true of every child. They just need the encouragement to follow their dreams and the guidance to help them find that path. I know I'm not the only proud Momma out there, and this first place essay finish might sound like small potatoes to some people, but in our house the small victories are worthy of celebration, too. Every accomplishment is a moment for praise, for it is through praise that we find the courage to keep pursuing that which seems out of our reach. Suddenly the unattainable becomes the tangible, the dream becomes the reality.

I wonder which of Morgan's dreams today will be her reality tomorrow?

Halloween 2007

2007-11-01T17:42:00.000-04:00

If you overlook the fact that Daddy was not with us then I guess you could say that, to my recollection, this Halloween was the best ever for my girls. They had such a fun time, more so than in years past. Here's why...

Where you live on post determines what school your children go to, just like most civilian communities have zoning that tells them what school to send their children to. We live in a housing area where our children should go to the neighborhood school closest to us. But a few years ago we chose to move Morgan from that neighborhood school to one in a different part of post, with school board permission. She's been attending that school for four years now, and Bethany went directly into that school last year for preK. It's a decision I've never regretted, though it means I drive them to and from school everyday, and that's just fine by me.

Anyway, because the girls attend a school in a different housing area than the one we live in they know more kids from the housing area that services their school, and know so few from our housing area. Taking them trick-or-treating in our housing area is never a huge thrill for them because they don't know the people whose houses they're going to, nor do they know the other kids on the street. Sure, it's fun because it's Halloween, but it's not a huge thrill. I know that now after witnessing what I saw in them last night.

I chose to take them to the other housing area, where their friends live, to get their candy game on. It was a huge hit! They walked door-to-door with their friends, loved seeing how their classmates looked in costumes, and giggled at all the freaky parents all decked out~~the same parents they see everyday running the PTO and volunteering in the classrooms. It was a hoot!

We missed James more than we can say, and had he been here, on his most favorite of holidays, we would've stayed closer to home and enjoyed the family time trick-or-treating together. But his absence would've weighed heavily on us had we stayed in our neighborhood, so we did something out of the ordinary that wouldn't make us feel his being gone quite so brutally.

I thought the girls looked wonderful and they truly were having the time of their lives last night. What joy it brings a mother's heart to see her babies giggle and grin, laugh and play, being with friends and being a friend. It's a gift from God.

Everyone is a newbie at some time, right?

2007-10-31T20:56:00.000-04:00

With much help, and some prodding, I'm finally starting a blog of my own. I've never considered myself remotely literate when it comes to these computer thingies. Heck, my grade-schoolers know plenty more about the ins and outs of the computer than I do. But there comes a time when everyone must step out of their comfort zone and try something new and the time has now come for me. So begins my first blog.

As you get to know me more you will find I am a pretty simple gal. Nothing in life makes me happier than being with my family. I'm not hard to please at all, at least I don't think I am. I tell my husband all the time that I'm probably the easiest person in the world to get a present for because a homemade card, particularly from my girls, is the best gift ever. I don't ask for much. I just adore my girls to pieces and feel that family is what it is all about.

However simple I think I am, I know there are some complexities to me. It is there that you will find the inner struggles that make me human, and ultimately, have shaped who I am. I won't go into all of that in this very first post, but those struggles will surely be featured often as time goes on and this blog finds its voice.

In this initial posting I suppose it would be polite to introduce myself to you, to give you a better sense of who is doing all this jabbering. I am a 30-something military wife, mostly stay-at-home mother of two, part-time aerobics instructor, often volunteer enthusiast at my girls' school, and a Disney freak. I was raised in the Midwest, mostly in Kansas, so I suppose that's where the simplistic side of me comes from~~good, ol', Midwestern, Christian values. I married my husband when I was a young, immature, naive 19 years old. He was already in the Army at the time so I thought I knew what I was getting into by agreeing to be his bride. I had no real clue.

James and I have been married for 13+ years now, but I shutter to think how much of that time has actually been spent together versus apart. It's staggering to total up all the months upon months that add up to years spent in separate states and continents. As I begin this blog he is on his third tour in Iraq, which leaves me in a position shared by so many others in this day and age~~an acting single mother burning the home fires, waiting for her love to come home, praying that when he does he will be intact and as normal as one can be when they do and see what they must for their livelihood. I don't say all that for pity. I don't pity myself. I never forget for a second that I am not alone in this. Hundreds of thousands of others wait for their loved ones to come home, too. It's impossible for me to feel alone when I encounter and talk with other spouses daily who also wait for their husband to come home. Living on post is therapy in its own right. By living on base I am surrounded by others in the same situation as me, who understand, who keep me grounded, who become my family, who make me proud and grateful to live where I do.

It's so very cliche to say how proud I am to be an American, but those simple words ring true every time I hear the Pledge of Allegiance recited in my children's school each morning. I'm grateful that my girls go to a school where the Pledge is not questioned, it is not forbidden, it is spoken with pride by the population of the school. I am proud to be an American. I am proud to be a military wife. And I am a proud mother who lives and breathes her children and their accomplishments. Simple. But that's me.

Which will lead me into my next posting~~Morgan and her most recent accomplishment. Stay tuned.