PRESSURE!!!!!!

Why do we do it to ourselves? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves, all the time, for every little thing? We push ourselves to be better, stronger, faster, cooler, braver, thinner, prettier, EVERYTHING! It is insane to think we can ever achieve all that we push ourselves to be, so why do we keep trying?

For example, most of you probably know that my weight has always been a struggle for me. I've managed to lose quite a lot over the last few years, and have kept most of it off. I have, however, let a few pounds creep back on, the result of James returning home and eating out, and also my lack of self-discipline at times. Despite the fact that I am in better shape than I've ever in my life been, and the fact that I can smoke guys at the gym who take my classes, I still zero in on the parts of me that I am unhappy with. I put so much PRESSURE on myself to look a certain way, an unattainable goal, that in the end I become so discouraged that I can't "get there" that I altogether give up what I was trying to accomplish.

Or, another example, in trying to be the best and falling short...I try to join Morgan during her recess time at school a few days a week to walk or run the track with her. Her P.E. teacher keeps a tally of how many laps the kids (and parents, too) do and encourages them to do their best. She has cute little shoelace charms they can earn to mark their 25th mile, 50th mile, and the 100 mile mark. Morgan is aiming for the 100 mile mark as that honor also earns her name on a plaque at school. Her goal is to be the first female to have her name on the plaque. Great goal and one I'm fully supportive of.

Anyway, I had told her that I'd join her today to walk at 11:50. However, I got hung up at the commissary (ever been on a payday? INSANE!) with lines as long as we find at Disney World! lol I was berating myself as I waited in line for taking so long reading nutritional labels. Why did I have to poke around in there so long and now I was running late to meet Morgan at school? Then I was rushing to get checked out as quick as humanly possible so I could still make it for the last 5 minutes of her recess. The traffic lights had other plans for me. I'm fuming at the red lights and the slow drivers. Don't they know I have to get to the school to meet my girl?! Come on people, don't you feel the same pressure I do?

I arrive at the school only to see her class heading in from recess as I pulled up. I was able to get Morgan's attention and tell her how sorry I was. She wasn't upset at all. In fact, a friend of hers had joined her and they'd done laps together, without me.

I felt so much better having gone down there to see her in person, to let her know I didn't forget her. I had been worried that she would think I'd just "forgotten" about her. Again, the pressure to be perfect....the perfect mother, another unattainable standard we aspire to.

Why don't we just let life happen and stop worrying about one-upping someone else, or looking a certain way, or doing everything perfectly? Why the need for perfection?

I see a little perfectionist budding in Morgan and for her sake I have got to do a better. I have to be more mindful of what I say about myself in her presence. In fact, after hearing her say something unkind about herself yesterday, I encouraged her to find some positive things to say about herself to counter the negative comment. Then Bethany and I also got into the mix saying happy, positive things about Morgan and each other and praising all the good we have in us.

That little activity really put a smile back on Morgan's face and reminded me that we should all focus much more on the good and let go of the bad. Sure, I have trouble spots on my body that I wish I didn't have. But I also have very strong lungs, a healthy heart, good teeth, pretty eyes, compassion for others, and arms that love to share hugs. Those are the things I should notice when I look in a mirror, and that is the lesson I need to make sure I teach my daughters.

So starting now I am determined to let go of the pressure to be perfect and embracing who I am and trying to be the most authentic "me" I can be. If that betters me in the process, that is wonderful. Teaching my girls to love themselves for who they are and all their wonderful qualities, that is the goal.