Moving forward

Wow. It's been WAY too long since I last posted. Happy New Year to everyone.

Once the girls and I arrived home from spending the holiday's at my parents' I got down to the business of keeping those resolutions I set for myself. Nineteen days into the New Year I can report....

...I have remained sugar-free for all but one of those days. I had a little slip up the last night at my parents' house and had one bowl of ice cream and some cookies. Other than that it has been good news the whole way. And I'm thrilled that I took this step. Conquering those sugar cravings was a battle I had to face and I've done myself proud. I don't crave sweets like I had. Truthfully, the first few days are the hardest as the sugar is coming out of your system. After that your body doesn't crave it like it used to. However, if I were to indulge in something sweet now, my body would want more and more of it. I'm no fool. Sugar, in me, acts like a drug. Sad, but true. For those that haven't ever had a problem with this, no amount of explaining it will help you understand it better. For those who know what I'm talking about, no other explanation is needed.

...I have increased my cardio time (more on that below) and also my ab time. I've added an ab workout at the end of two of my step classes each week which has forced me to do more abs that I was previously doing. I intended to do more abs on my own at home, too, throughout the week but I haven't been as good at that yet. That's my goal for this coming week.

...I began training myself for that marathon as soon as we got home. I'm using the treadmill at the gym now rather than running outside. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Either before or after my classes at the gym I'll hop on the treadmill and knock out half an hour or so of wogging (combination walking/jogging). I'm gradually decreasing the time I spend walking while increasing the jogging time, until I can get to where I don't need to walk anymore. This coming week it will be 15 min jog/5 min walk/repeat, for a 40 min workout. I aim to do this three to four days a week, depending on how wiped out I get with teaching my classes, too. I'm working on finding the right balance so I don't end up over-training and burning out, or worse, injuring myself.

In other news, Morgan made the 100 mile club at her school this past week! She's the first girl in her school ever to make the 100 mile mark. Now she'll have her name on the plaque along with the handful of boys that have come before her in previous years.

Bethany has a birthday coming up and it's shocking to me to see that my baby is nearly 6! Where did the time go? Oh yeah, it's been spent with four major deployments over the course of six years. I'd count up the number of months James has actually been with Bethy since her birth but it would be far outnumbered by the months he's been away from her. That's the life we lead.

I just had a 2nd Lasik surgery this week. Back in September I had my first Lasik surgery on both eyes, taking me from approximately 20/400+ down to 20/20 in my left and 20/25 or so in my right. After waiting a few months to see if the right eye would improve my eye surgeon decided an "enhancement" would be a good idea to get that right eye where we'd like it. It had just been under-corrected before. So this past week I went back in and had my right eye touched up. It's a really odd feeling having your eye propped open and seeing these instruments and lasers coming down at you and you can not turn away or blink at all. You see this stuff happening and every instinct is to blink but there's a spring holding your eye open and so you can't blink. Instead you're looking straight at everything they are poking and prodding your eye with and praying the surgeon's skills will pull you through.

And as of yesterday morning at my post-op check his skills did pull me through. Now my right eye is seeing 20/15, so "fighter pilot" vision for me, as the surgeon called it. I had been very hesitant to have this surgery, concerned about the cost and possible outcomes. However, I have to say that I've been very pleased with my results and the difference it has made in my life. Night vision is still a problem for me but I'm hopeful that night driving glasses will be an option and help with that difficulty. All in all, though, if I had to do it again I would.

Lastly, a bit of good news from James. It sounds as if his expected 15 month deployment may be shortened ever so slightly and he could be home a couple weeks earlier than we'd thought. I know, I know, two weeks difference doesn't sound like a lot but we'll take ever little bit we can get. Especially knowing that he'll only have between 12-15 months at home before Uncle Sam will be sending him again.

I repeat, such is the life we lead. The only thing you can do is keep moving forward.

Resolutions for 2008!

It's time to welcome in a New Year and with that comes the inevitable resolutions that everyone seems to make. Some take root, some fizzle out, some are repeated year after year. I've given a L-O-T of thought over the last several weeks as to what I plan to resolve to do or not do this coming year and figured the best way to commit myself to keeping these resolutions was to put it in writing, tell everyone that cares to hear what my intentions are, and be accountable to those people as well as myself.

So here you all have it, my New Year's Resolutions for 2008!

1) I intend to eliminate sugar from my diet with the exception of special occasions. Anyone who knows me knows that my sweet tooth is undeniable and overused. I have a love-hate relationship with them in that I love them, but my hips, glutes, and thighs do not. So I've decided it is best to eliminate refined sugar from my diet to become more satisfied with myself and end this love-hate cycle. In order to break my cravings for sweets I intend to avoid all refined sugar whatsoever during the entire month of January. My hope is that after a month of nothing sweet I will have lost the desire for sweets therefore not feeling any "need" to indulge other than a very rare treat, like for Bethy's birthday in February, or something extra special like that. This is a big commitment for me so I want you all to keep me accountable. Don't be afraid to check up on me and keep me honest, OK?

2) I intend to increase my cardio and ab workout time. With my teaching schedule I do get in about 9 hours of cardio a week but sometimes I don't get to focus on my cardio as much as I'd like because I'm busy focusing on other people's form and going around the room making corrections or whatever that interrupts my workout. And that's fine. That's what I'm paid to do. So I need to change my mentality and quit thinking that teaching class is my personal workout time, because it's not. If I weren't teaching I would be working out at a higher intensity, but in order to teach I have to be able to talk and if I can talk through a workout then I'm not working the cardio hard enough for as much of a personal benefit as I need to. So I need to devote time in my schedule after or before class to my personal workout which will increase my cardio. In addition, I plan to incorporate more ab time to two of my classes each week, and during the rest of the week I plan to do more ab work on my own at home. Getting back to the cardio and making time on my own to add that in leads me to my third resolution.

3) I will begin training for, and will run in, the January 2009 Disney World Marathon. James and I have both been talking about this recently and have decided this is a huge deal for us both, something each of us feel strongly that we'd like to do. James has always been a runner, but I have never so this is all foreign territory to me, but something I'm determined to accomplish. James is going to begin training himself while still in Iraq, and continue his training when he comes home, to compete in the full marathon, some 26 miles. I, on the other hand, being such a novice, plan to train myself for the half marathon, a little over 13 miles. This way James will be able to be with the girls while I run the half on one day, and then we'll swap places so he can run the full the next day. It'll work out perfectly, logistically. Now I just need to commit myself fully to the training and figure a way to work the needed runs into my schedule, without overtraining myself with the teaching I already do. I'm sure it will be a matter of finding the right balance so I don't injure myself, or suffer burnout or exhaustion, but I'm confident that my desire to achieve this will carry me through. I don't know when I've been quite so excited for anything in a very long time. And I don't know when something that is so foreign to me hasn't scared me away entirely, but this hasn't. Maybe it has to do with our love of all things Disney. Maybe it has to do with my desire to be a running partner with James. Maybe it has to do with all the sweets I've eaten way too many of and need to burn off. Maybe it has to do with proving to myself that that which does not kill me will make me stronger. Maybe it has to do with trying and succeeding at something most people will never even consider.

Whatever the reason, I tell you now, God-willing, I will make this happen. I can not wait!

Happy New Year! May 2008 be a wonderful, blessed year for you and your entire family!
Kris

Finally, please take a moment to pray for a tiny, young family member of mine named Rachel who is in desperate need of your prayers and God's Healing to help her little body. Thank you.

I've said it before...

....and I'll say it again. Everything truly does happen for a reason. Even getting sick.

I've been stressing the past week or so, wondering how I was going to get everything accomplished that I needed to in order to have us ready to head to my parents' for Christmas. In addition to all the packing, I still had Christmas gifts to buy and wrap, goodies to make for the umpteen teachers my kids have, school activities, my job, and a gazillion other things going on. I mentioned in another post that God was giving me some help with Morgan doing some wrapping for me, so that was a load off. I guess He decided that wasn't enough help so He was going to give me a sick child to ease the load a little more.

How does having a sick child (Bethany) help ease the load? I mean, tending to a feverish little girl, wiping runny noses, administering medicines, taking her to the doctor...how exactly does that ease my work load?

Well, having her sick meant I had to cancel my aerobics classes for yesterday and today. It about killed me to have to cancel them because I am, by nature, a people-pleaser and can't stand the thought of anyone upset with me. I picture all those ladies going to the gym only to find out that my class is cancelled and then walking out furious over the unplanned absence. But life happens and the ladies who know me know this isn't something I have ever done before. Cancelling class is a HUGE deal for me, something I would only do if it is absolutely necessary.

Anyway, by cancelling the classes and staying home with Bethany I was able to accomplish so much in the house that I needed to do but was afraid I wouldn't get done. My baking is done. My packing is nearly finished. All but a few presents have been wrapped. Things have come together nicely, and only by the grace of God and my sick child. Had this spontaneous sickness not happened I fear I would still be panicking about not having enough hours in the day to get it all done.

And yet here I am, feeling more in control, relaxing a bit, beginning to feel the excitement of Christmas rather than the pressure and stress of a time crunch closing in on me.

Thank goodness for (sick) little girls!

Ramblings

I don't really have much of a theme for today's post....just some ramblings about what has been going on with us since the last time I posted.

I'm still feeling that "pressure crunch" and not taking my own advice very well. I suppose it's just this time of year with all that I have yet to accomplish. I was able to finish up my Christmas cards today so that is one less item on my "to do" list. I still have so much yet to accomplish before next Saturday. So much....

The girls are having a blast playing with some friends tonight. Some might call me crazy for allowing them to have another slumber party full of girls and giggles and drama, but they play so well with their friends that it's hard not to indulge them. For the first time ever Bethany was allowed to invite a friend to sleep over. Usually it is Morgan's friends that come over and Bethy tags along with whatever they do. But for tonight I allowed Bethany to invite a classmate who is also the little sister of one of Morgan's classmates. So those two siblings came over, along with a couple other friends Morgan's age. Altogether, including my two babes, I have six girls in the house. It, surprisingly, calms and settles me a bit having all these girls in the house. They entertain themselves, play happily, and their laughter is music to my ears. Right now we have the two smaller ones playing princess dress-up, and the older ones watching "The Secret Garden" and putting together Lincoln Logs. Call me crazy, but it works!

I'm finally starting to feel better after battling foot pain for many months now. I saw a podiatrist recently who has started me on a treatment plan and it appears to be helping. True, I should cut back on the high-impact teaching I do, but for now the doctor's plan is helping without me giving up or changing the way I teach currently, so that's good news.

Speaking of teaching, I tried something pretty new yesterday. After I finished teaching my class a friend and I hopped on some spin bikes so she could talk me through a quick spin workout since I've always been curious about it. She's not an instructor, just a student in my circuit class, but she attends another instructor's spin classes often, whereas I know nothing about spinning. So Shellie got me set to "ride" and away we went. I'm telling you, that was NO JOKE!! I can teach a two hour circuit class, I can push my step class students to the max, I can smoke active duty soldiers, but spinning SMOKED ME! Holy cow, that was some serious sweating, and I only stayed on the bike for 20 minutes!!!! I sound like a wuss, I know, but in my defense I had already taught my class for 2 hours, so I didn't have 100% to give to the bike. Regardless, I know even at 100% that bike would've gotten the best of me. For those of you that love spinning (Melissa B.) I admire you to the hilt!

On another note, a couple days ago I was emailing James my schedule for the next week and complaining about how I just don't know where I'll find the time to do all that I need to do. I asked him to pray for me to make it through and to get some kind of relief somewhere. Do you know what? God answered that prayer in the form of my Morgan. The very next day I asked her if she'd like to wrap a couple presents, just to keep her busy. She gladly did! I fretted for a moment that the presents were not wrapped smoothly or precisely, and then I let go of that strive for perfection. I realized God was sending me the help I asked for and I was going to accept it. Morgan wrapped about 15 presents for me (none for herself!) before tiring of it for the day. She's offered to wrap more again and I do believe I will take her up on that. Who cares if it is perfect or not? Her Nana and Papa won't be judging the outside of the package but loving the heartfelt gift that is on the inside. And I'm loving that wrapping presents has become one less burden on me this year. Thank you God and Morgan!

Lastly, I'd like to say how wonderful surprises are, and how they truly can make our day. Today I had a face show up on my doorstep which I hadn't seen in months. My former neighbor, and friend, Angela's, husband is home on R&R. He was dropping off his son at a house across the street from ours and decided to stop by to say "hello!" They are the sweetest family with dear children who we miss having next door to us. Mike has been deployed to Iraq as long as James has, and has seen some pretty rough stuff over there. I was thrilled to see him back and know that he is enjoying his time with his family, especially at this wonderful time of year. He's just one of so many soldiers who sacrifice everything they hold dear so we can continue to enjoy all that we hold dear here at home. Thank you, Mike, for what you do, and thank you for stopping by to say "hi." I'm happy to see a hero home, if only for a short time. I'll be happier still to see them all home next summer.

And another story about wonderful surprises...the other day my phone rang at 7:30 in the morning. That never happens. Ever. My first thought was it was bad news from Iraq. Then I saw it was my Mom on caller id and then my heart started pounding thinking it was bad news in the family because my Mom is NEVER awake that early in the morning. I answered the phone, fearing the worst. Mom just laughed off my paranoia and said she'd gone to bed early the night before and was awake and had energy that morning and just wanted to call and....get this...tell me she loved me. AAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!! She said her children are always on her mind and she hopes we know that, and she wanted to take the time to tell me that when she knew I'd be at home and able to hear her say those words. Bless her heart. Of course I know my Mom loves me. I never doubt that. But it sure feels good to hear it, too. Thanks, Mom. I was smiling about that all the day long.

So, there's my post, full of everything and nothing all wrapped up in one. In case I don't post again before Christmas, you all have a wonderful day filled with all the laughter, love and happiness that the season encourages us to share. Be good to yourself, and then pass it on.

Peace and love!
Kris

PRESSURE!!!!!!

Why do we do it to ourselves? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves, all the time, for every little thing? We push ourselves to be better, stronger, faster, cooler, braver, thinner, prettier, EVERYTHING! It is insane to think we can ever achieve all that we push ourselves to be, so why do we keep trying?

For example, most of you probably know that my weight has always been a struggle for me. I've managed to lose quite a lot over the last few years, and have kept most of it off. I have, however, let a few pounds creep back on, the result of James returning home and eating out, and also my lack of self-discipline at times. Despite the fact that I am in better shape than I've ever in my life been, and the fact that I can smoke guys at the gym who take my classes, I still zero in on the parts of me that I am unhappy with. I put so much PRESSURE on myself to look a certain way, an unattainable goal, that in the end I become so discouraged that I can't "get there" that I altogether give up what I was trying to accomplish.

Or, another example, in trying to be the best and falling short...I try to join Morgan during her recess time at school a few days a week to walk or run the track with her. Her P.E. teacher keeps a tally of how many laps the kids (and parents, too) do and encourages them to do their best. She has cute little shoelace charms they can earn to mark their 25th mile, 50th mile, and the 100 mile mark. Morgan is aiming for the 100 mile mark as that honor also earns her name on a plaque at school. Her goal is to be the first female to have her name on the plaque. Great goal and one I'm fully supportive of.

Anyway, I had told her that I'd join her today to walk at 11:50. However, I got hung up at the commissary (ever been on a payday? INSANE!) with lines as long as we find at Disney World! lol I was berating myself as I waited in line for taking so long reading nutritional labels. Why did I have to poke around in there so long and now I was running late to meet Morgan at school? Then I was rushing to get checked out as quick as humanly possible so I could still make it for the last 5 minutes of her recess. The traffic lights had other plans for me. I'm fuming at the red lights and the slow drivers. Don't they know I have to get to the school to meet my girl?! Come on people, don't you feel the same pressure I do?

I arrive at the school only to see her class heading in from recess as I pulled up. I was able to get Morgan's attention and tell her how sorry I was. She wasn't upset at all. In fact, a friend of hers had joined her and they'd done laps together, without me.

I felt so much better having gone down there to see her in person, to let her know I didn't forget her. I had been worried that she would think I'd just "forgotten" about her. Again, the pressure to be perfect....the perfect mother, another unattainable standard we aspire to.

Why don't we just let life happen and stop worrying about one-upping someone else, or looking a certain way, or doing everything perfectly? Why the need for perfection?

I see a little perfectionist budding in Morgan and for her sake I have got to do a better. I have to be more mindful of what I say about myself in her presence. In fact, after hearing her say something unkind about herself yesterday, I encouraged her to find some positive things to say about herself to counter the negative comment. Then Bethany and I also got into the mix saying happy, positive things about Morgan and each other and praising all the good we have in us.

That little activity really put a smile back on Morgan's face and reminded me that we should all focus much more on the good and let go of the bad. Sure, I have trouble spots on my body that I wish I didn't have. But I also have very strong lungs, a healthy heart, good teeth, pretty eyes, compassion for others, and arms that love to share hugs. Those are the things I should notice when I look in a mirror, and that is the lesson I need to make sure I teach my daughters.

So starting now I am determined to let go of the pressure to be perfect and embracing who I am and trying to be the most authentic "me" I can be. If that betters me in the process, that is wonderful. Teaching my girls to love themselves for who they are and all their wonderful qualities, that is the goal.

It was a Happy Thanksgiving after all

No matter how many holidays and special occasions are spent apart I never seem to get used to James' absence on those such days. Today was another one of the many holidays we've spent apart, so many so that we've long since quit counting how many he's missed. Sadly, it's probably easier to count the occasions he's been home for since that number would be smaller.

But I digress....

I woke this morning in a somewhat lousy mood. The day just had that feel to it, that feeling of something not quite right, but nothing really wrong. I just didn't look forward to today. Had James been here we would've had a big meal to fix full of some of his favorites, including the sweet potato casserole that he used to turn up his nose to but has since grown to love, making him an honorary Unland after all! With him not home I didn't feel in the spirit to go all out.

A friend of mine, whose husband is also deployed, came over to my house and we fixed a meal together for our children. It was a relaxing day and much better spent with friends that alone. For that I am thankful. I'm so glad I have a battle buddy to help me through this deployment. Teresa has been a lifesaver for me. She was my battle buddy in 2005 when her husband and James were deployed together, and she's here for me now, too. She's my outlet for venting on anything and everything. She's my children's babysitter, God Bless Her, nearly every Saturday morning so I can teach my class. She's my friend with whom I can share some adult conversation when I need a break from children's talk. She's my wake up call when I need someone to tell it to me straight. She's my friend and that's all there is to it.

So tonight I give thanks to God for so many blessings. I thank Him for the love I have in my family. I thank Him for continuing to send His angels to watch over James. I thank Him for all the amazing blessings He has given me~~my home, my possessions, my health, my life.

And I thank Him for the friends that see me through the good and bad times. We all need 'em, and I thank God that He saw to it to give me a good one.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

Obsessed or Just in Love?

What does this say about me as a mother? Am I obsessed with my girls or just a mother in love with being a mother? You tell me....

Yesterday was a Mom's Day Out here on post. Our post childcare facility opens up once a month for a day of free childcare for spouses of deployed soldiers. I've taken my girls to the Mom's Night Out service before so I could have dinner out with friends, but I've never utilized the Day Out program. I decided to give it a try this month so I could get some Christmas shopping done without little eyes nearby.

I dropped the girls off at 9 am and then went off to the gym to teach my 9:30 class. I was finished and home by 11am. I cleaned up with a shower, ate a quick bite, and then was off for my shopping by noon or a few minutes after.

I immediately had second thoughts about going out by myself. A part of me wanted to go pick up Morgan and take her out with me, just the two of us, so she could have some alone time with me. But then I wouldn't be able to buy any of her gifts with her around. I figured I'd just go on alone and do what needed done.

I was able to make a good dent in my shopping list and to be truthful the shopping does go much quicker and easier when you're not fumbling with seat belting kids in and out, holding hands crossing the parking lot, fidgeting with all the knick-knacks little hands tend to grab, and trying to steer the kids away from the toy aisle after they've spent too long there already. It truly is exhausting shopping with both kids in tow. So why did I miss them so much?

I can't really explain it but the whole day I just wanted to hurry up and get back to them. I wasn't worried about them being at the childcare facility. That wasn't it. I knew they were having a great time. It was just me. I wanted to be near them. I just like them so much. Isn't that something? Of course we all love our kids. We love them with our whole hearts. We love them so much it hurts. But how wonderful is it to be able to say we actually like them, too?

I love you girls, Morgan and Bethany. And what's more, I really, really like you, too. I like who you are and I like being near you and I like being your Momma.

I really like what that says about us.

A giggle to share

I'm at a loss for something really inspirational to write about today. I've sat at the computer for a while now trying to think of what topic to bring up this morning and I just can't come up with anything that suits my mood or my emotions. I guess that says I'm on a pretty even keel today, doesn't it? When there's no news that must be good news, eh?

So, for lack of anything more profound to talk about, I'll share a little funny story about Bethany since she hasn't made much of an appearance in my blog yet. I've shared this story with my parents and James, so if you three are reading this, enjoy the repeat chuckle.

Just a smidgen of background info: My Dad is quite the builder. Those of you that don't know him need to know this info for the story to make sense. Dad builds everything you can imagine from toy boxes for the kids to a gazebo in my parents' backyard to a sunroom addition to their home. It goes without saying that he's got a L-O-T of tools. 'Nuff said.

A few weeks ago the girls and I were eating dinner at the table and for some reason the converstation turned to fire and what to do if a fire starts in our home. It might've been fire prevention week at school, I don't really know. But anyway, I started quizzing the girls on what they would do if a fire were in our home, checking to see if they knew how to escape the house and not to diddle-dally around, just get out! I'm trying to be very thorough and matter-of-fact, covering all my bases with them, very business-like at the table. Morgan handles the questions pretty well. Then it's onto Bethy....

She does fairly well with the easy questions, like going out the front door if the fire were in the back of the house, or going out the back if the fire were in front. But then I ask her what she would do if the fire were at the front of the house and she couldn't get the back door to open. She says she would break a window. I asked her how she'd break the window to free herself. She said she'd have to go get a hammer. I ask her where she'll find the hammer if the fire is in the front of the house and we keep the hammer/nails/tools/etc in a closet in the front. She said, "I'd go to Papa's to get a hammer."

??????

That's my Bethy. Without even meaning to she can make me giggle and smile. She just plain makes my heart happy.

Just what I needed to wake up to this morning!

The first thing I do every morning, the thing that gets me out of bed and moving, the one thing (other than kids) that has turned me into a morning bird rather than the night owl I've always been, is check for email from James. This morning was no different than every other morning in that I hopped right out of bed and checked to see if he'd written to me while I slept. Hooray! There were two emails from him, one a birthday e-card, and the other what you will see below. I have no idea if this is his original work or if he "borrowed" it from somewhere else, and I really don't care. The words were beautiful and absolutely the reminder I needed that these fine lines on my face should matter not. The years don't matter. It is what we have done with those years that mean the most. Here is my treasured morning email...from my favorite soldier...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Instead of counting candles,
Or tallying the years,
Contemplate your blessings,
As your birthday nears.
Consider special people
Who love you, and who care,
And others who’ve enriched your life
Just by being there.
Think about the memories
Passing years can never mar,
Experiences great and small
That have made you who you are.
Another year is a happy gift,
So cut your cake, and say,
"Instead of counting birthdays,
I count blessings every day!"

I would like to include a couple more phrases that I love, special gems that should remind us that it isn't about the end result, it is all about the journey....

"It isn't the number of breaths you take, but the number of moments that take your breath away."

"When your hourglass runs out of sand you can't flip it over and start again."

"These small hours, these little wonders, these twists and turns of fate. Time fades away, but these small hours still remain."

And I'll leave this post today praying that God blesses me with a 33rd year filled with all the joys He wishes me to have, and all the happiness and love that I feel at this moment, and a 34th birthday next year with my best friend, my husband, at my side.

Be safe and be strong

Tonight I'm feeling a bit blue and missing my James. It's not easy to feel close to your spouse when you are thousands of miles apart, but up until recently the internet had kept us reasonably in touch. We'd email as often as we could and on lucky days we'd get to IM with each other. Those days may be gone.

James told me the other day that internet access is now being severly limited to the soldiers. It sounds as if our ability to IM each other is gone completely. Now we return to simply emailing when we can. We'd grown used to an almost daily, if possible, IM chat with each other. To return to emails alone seems like a step back into the dark ages for us.

Maybe it's the instant gratification that our society has come to depend on so heavily. Maybe it's just two souls who yearn to reach out for each other in the best way that our technology will allow. Either way, I feel that taking away our ability to IM with each other has taken the wind out of my sails. It's slapped me back into the harsh reality of what this war truly extracts from us.

It is not "just war." It's not some story for the news to cover in hopes of stirring the upcoming election pot. I wish others understood that. I wish they could feel the war the way those of us in the silent ranks feel this war. It's about more than just guns, firefights, KIA's, IED's, and so on. For the ones who wait back home this war affects every single aspect of our lives, from the moment our eyes open in the morning until they close at night. And even then, our dreams sometimes touch on what this war has taken from us.

Every soldier over there has a story. Everyone has a loved one of some sort longing for them to come home. Every soldier aches for American soil again. And every spouse back home hangs onto each last conversation, whether by phone, letter, or IM, wondering if it will be the last time you'll ever speak with your love.

How I wish I could hear the "ding" of my messenger telling me my sweetie is online. But tonight, and for many, many long nights to come, I know that sound will not arrive. And with the silence comes the sadness and loneliness that millions of others share with me tonight. May all our soldiers rest well tonight and see the sun rise tomorrow, and walk with God and His angels in the Hell that is Iraq.