Tonight I'm feeling a bit blue and missing my James. It's not easy to feel close to your spouse when you are thousands of miles apart, but up until recently the internet had kept us reasonably in touch. We'd email as often as we could and on lucky days we'd get to IM with each other. Those days may be gone.
James told me the other day that internet access is now being severly limited to the soldiers. It sounds as if our ability to IM each other is gone completely. Now we return to simply emailing when we can. We'd grown used to an almost daily, if possible, IM chat with each other. To return to emails alone seems like a step back into the dark ages for us.
Maybe it's the instant gratification that our society has come to depend on so heavily. Maybe it's just two souls who yearn to reach out for each other in the best way that our technology will allow. Either way, I feel that taking away our ability to IM with each other has taken the wind out of my sails. It's slapped me back into the harsh reality of what this war truly extracts from us.
It is not "just war." It's not some story for the news to cover in hopes of stirring the upcoming election pot. I wish others understood that. I wish they could feel the war the way those of us in the silent ranks feel this war. It's about more than just guns, firefights, KIA's, IED's, and so on. For the ones who wait back home this war affects every single aspect of our lives, from the moment our eyes open in the morning until they close at night. And even then, our dreams sometimes touch on what this war has taken from us.
Every soldier over there has a story. Everyone has a loved one of some sort longing for them to come home. Every soldier aches for American soil again. And every spouse back home hangs onto each last conversation, whether by phone, letter, or IM, wondering if it will be the last time you'll ever speak with your love.
How I wish I could hear the "ding" of my messenger telling me my sweetie is online. But tonight, and for many, many long nights to come, I know that sound will not arrive. And with the silence comes the sadness and loneliness that millions of others share with me tonight. May all our soldiers rest well tonight and see the sun rise tomorrow, and walk with God and His angels in the Hell that is Iraq.
2 comments:
:-( Sniff, sniff. :-(
I don't know how I missed this post. But I wanted to give you a couple ((hugs)) because you're right. This is hard not only on the soldiers, but their loved ones who wait for them back at home.
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